Shantaram - The Book

What do Richard Attenborough & Gregory David Roberts have in common?

Shantaram - a beautifully written book on Mumbai. The book, is not only just about mumbai. Its about the way author has felt about this city, seen it and has written about it in a manner that no Mumbaikar has ever come close to it. But for you to relate to it, you should have an exprience of Mumbai - the city of slums.

While reading the book, I could sense the love he has for this city, the city where he was not born, the city where he didn't grow-up, the city where he didnt get married or spend his early, better years of life. The way he has sketched each and every character, made me feel the characters were standing right next to me. I could feel the tears and laughter of every person in the book because somewhere in this city I have seen them. I could feel the evil side of the characters because every day I read about some of them in papers. I could feel the crowd, because I belong to the crowd of this city.

Before I read Shantaram, I always had a feeling of disgust for slums. For me they were unwanted people distroying the city and its beauty. While reading his book, I realised that even such in-human places have people living there, people who have a heart to love and a mind to dream. They came here to look for better opportunities, but then even I came for the same thing miles from my home town. Then they are no different than me. All the things that seperates me from them is too materialistic, like a posh office building with a/c, clothes bought with branded lables and a solid roof to sleep underneath each night.

He has written about the beauty of this city and tolerance of its people. Speaking about people of Mumbai, little piece from from his book - " They are not perfect, ofcourse. They know how to fight and lie and cheat each other and all the things that all of us do. But more than any other people in the world, the indians know to love one another. India is 6 times the size of France, but has almost 20 times the population. If there were a billion frenchmen living in such a crowded space, there would be rivers of blood. As everyone knows, french are the most civilised people in Europe. Without love, India would be IMPOSSIBLE!" . Isn't it so true. The floods in Mumbai on 26th July 2005, proved it, when compared to Cyclone Katrina which hit USA. There were people all around always ready with a helping hand. I myself was so shaken up during that period, but this city took me into its arms and I never felt alone.

Right from bumblebee(thats what Gregory called our mumbai taxis), to special mitha paan with loads of coconut( I still can't relate coconut to paan!!!), to village on the sky(this one is for who will read the novel), to the winds of sea filling every senses of your body, to the most beautiful sunsets of my life, to the rythme of the local trains while you are travelling in it, to the mad rush which you will find here 24 hours of the day, to the love which people here are always ready to shower...I simply love this city because of all this and lots more.

Well, coming back to the question in the first sentence, "What do Richard Attenborough & Gregory David Roberts have in common?". Well, as we can make out from their names, both are not by any chance of Indian origin but one has directed the much acclaimed and an Oscar winning film called Gandhi and the other wrote Shantaram. Don't get me wrong. I am not comparing Gandhi & Shantaram. They are very different. All, I want to say here is - How we need people from other countries and nationality to remind us that we should be proud to be an Indian. Irony of the situation, people who did justice to our culture, our country, our Mahatama Gandhi by writting about it, making a motion picture of it, were not among the billions of Indians, but were from some other country and another culture.

I am a Rebel.

In last few days, some incidents have greatly affected the way I think and perceive people around me. They all mean different things to different people, but this what they mean to me.

Raang De Basanti -

A movie, which didn't remain a just a movie for me. When I went to see the movie I went with a free mind, thinking it to be one of the lot, which comes out of Bollywood these days. When I came out after watching the movie, I was totally shaken up. For me the movie was not about how Aamir khan and his friends took the decision to kill a high profile minister. It was not about why commandos were sent to kill young college students who were already repenting for what they did. Its was not even about MIG pilots getting killed and the govt not taking the responsibility but is ready to wash its hands off by making a patriotic dead pilot a scape goat for its mistakes. The movie was about ME. I am like what Aamir and friends were like in movie. I always have fun in life, while I easily blame these corrupt politicians for everything that is going wrong in my country. I blame corruption but if my work has to be done in a slow govt office I always try to find a short way out. I make face at the garbage on the street but wouldn't think twice before throwing something on the street. I blame the bad traffic everywhere but while I am driving I don't even follow lanes properly. Its no use blaming the politicians, because we elected them. We have to correct ourselves first before we blame others.

Cartoon of Muhammad -

There is a world over staging of protest for this cartoon. I always wondered, what could have been so drastic that people have come out on streets to protest over a cartoon. Out of those thousands people who came out on streets to protest, how many of them have actually seen the cartoon? I searched on google (I am hard core googlian) and found the following link. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jyllands-Posten_Muhammad_cartoons. You can yourself see it and don't worry no one is going blow you up with a bomb for seeing it. Yes, that's what I want to talk about, the fear of these religious fanatics. Which religion preaches the killing of innocent people? Which religion preaches violence? Yet you find that in the name of religion these people are killing innocent people, giving guns in young hands, creating rifts between peace loving people. The cartoon talks about what Islam is doing to world. Well, I want to talk about every religion here. Every religion is going corrupt. As they say "Power corrupts everyone". We have given power to religion and has corrupted it too and to such an extent that the same religion which used to tell us to respect life, in today's time kills without any reason. I refuse to believe in such a religion and refuse to respect those who preach such a thing.

The Jassica Lal Case -

"Would the accused please stand up!".
He doesn't.
"Would the eye-witness please stand up!".
He isn't there.
At this point a voice say - "Would you please take the blind lady out of the court, we don't need her anymore!".

Whether is Jassica Lal or Best Bakery Case or Tandoori Kaand, politics has guaranteed the release of the accused. I read the polls done by news papers asking people who would stand up to a case like Jassica Lal. All the newspapers are going crazy over her case. They say "Justice delayed is Justice denied". There are debates over who is right and who is wrong. One of my friend even said that all these cases, which are politically motivated have women involved. Every one of us has something to say. Anyone of you remember, Damini, the movie. The wife has to give her statement against her bother-in-law. The family tries everything right from emotional blackmail to kicking her out of the house. Why? Just because she decides to stand for the truth. Even then she stands up and gives her statement which the only truth and nothing else but the truth. Three hours movie is over and everyone goes home. Well, for all of us, our life is not a three our movie. I don't blame those who go free after putting pressure on people. Everyone wants to live. Why should they be blamed when we ourselves don't have the guts to stand against them. We are scared for our lives, our family and our children and until we have that fear, people in power would always find a way to escape and even return to normal lives. As they say "Ones weakness is someone else's strength".

MUIP - Please bear with us for a Better Tomorrow

Yesterday I started from office little late so I missed my company bus. I had a friend along with me who was also going to the same place where I was heading to, so we decided to share the auto. When we came out of office we saw the road was completely choked up with traffic. The reason for this permanent traffic jam is that the government has decided to expand the roads and for this to happen they need to dig up the roads. Now to do this they have dug up the roads on both the sides leaving very little space for the traffic to move. The dust from all the digging up and the smoke from all the standing vehicles made it difficult to even breathe. Irritated with it all I looked around to see if anything is moving and I saw the sign board - "MUIP - Please bear with us for a Better Tomorrow" !!!

We realized that its no use taking an auto because the rate at which the traffic was moving, the auto-meter would move faster than the auto itself. So, we decided to walk down till wherever the traffic becomes bearable! Well, in Mumbai it's easier said than done. There wasn't any space left to walk. Traffic was occupying all the space on the road. The only place left for walking was the dug up area, which was filled with wet cement. We tried to walk on the huge moulds of mud. My feet got all dirty. With every step I feared losing my balance. I looked up in frustration and the signboard - "MUIP - Please bear with us for a Better Tomorrow" stared blank at my face!!!

My friend suggested that it would be a better idea to cross over and walk against the traffic. At least we'll get some space to walk. We crossed the road and started walking. Even that side of road was dug up. The BEST bus stop was over turned and people didn't know where to stand and wait for bus. The boards, which displays the bus numbers, were standing in a far corner of the road where no one with proper eyes could read it and if one even tried to reach the board to read it wouldn't return in one piece. The amazing part is while they have taken the liberty to dig up everything, they have left the illegal shops and slum areas on the encroached land so carefully as if they are the prized position of the Government of Maharashtra. My friend and I kept walking for nearly half an hour without even realizing. Every time I looked to the other side of road, the traffic was at standstill. While walking we crossed an area, which was completed. It gave an impression of what this road would look like once the construction is complete. In one corner there was a huge pile of remains of the construction material and stones, and in the center was the sign board - "MUIP - Please bear with us for a Better Tomorrow" !!!

After half an hour of walking we came to Saki Naka signal. The traffic scene had not changed on the other side, which we were supposed to take. Relieved that we didn't take the auto, we looked ahead to see how the traffic was on the road ahead. We saw some relief there and decided to take the auto and head towards home. On the way to home I couldn't help but think that while walking the stretch it would have required just a slip to land oneself in hospital. The most amazing thing is if they want to dig up something, it is done almost over night but when the time comes to make it, it takes ages for them to complete it. Wherever the construction is taking place, there are no proper lighting systems. One of my colleague in office once took a snap of a overturned jeep in the crater which as usual was easy for them to dig than to fill up.The image you see at the top is the one I am talking about. It even got published in Mid-Day here in Mumbai. By the time they'll finish filling up all the places that they have dug up, it would be time to build 6-lane road instead of 4-lane road, which at present they are trying to build. At such time the message on the sign board sounds ironic...at least I don't know which "Tomorrow" they are talking about because as we all know - "Tomorrow never comes" !

New Year Trek to Siddhgarh

A very Happy New Year.

Well, 31 Dec of every year is that time of the year for which the people start planning much in advance. For a person like me who lives in Mumbai money is also a big criteria because special occasions like New Year's Eve is pretty costly affair. If it would have been value for money it would have been ok, but they charge you as if you are going to get a home pick in limousine and you would be given a royal treatment but you end up in a place which is so crowded that one doesn't get enough space to shake a leg, one has to fight for drinks n food and when you get in the mood to enjoy its time to close.

Thanks to Kartik who took the initiative to organize something very different this New Year's eve. We went for 2 days trek to a place called Siddhgarh near Kalyan in Mumbai. The planning for it started much in advance. Kartik and Puneet organized everything, right from pick-up points to music and drinks. We were completely spoiled, as we didn't have to bother about anything.

This was my first experience of a trek on a New Year’s eve. Quite aware that my mobile won't be working and I would miles away from civilization I climbed up the mountain to seek something different. I was not in best of shape, I must agree and hence it made the climb up little difficult. I slipped a couple of times and yes it was painful but it didn’t matter that time. I was so busy having a blast of time. Though it was difficult, it was worth every drop of sweat and every layer of dust on my face. Going back to nature made me realize the importance of silence, of observing the beauty around me and of friends around me. For every hand that was raised to help me, I knew I had someone who cared for me. As we climbed up, we saw a snake's skin in one piece. There were beautiful little flowers blooming along the path. Dried leaves covered the path. The branches of the trees along the path touched me to wish me a safe journey. Slowly, it started growing dark. I saw the most beautiful sunset of my life. It was like God speaking through his eternal light from behind the mountains. Between the mountains sun slowly said good-bye with a promise to meet us in a New Year with new hopes and dreams. It was a moonless night, which made the surrounding even more beautiful for me. Climbing up in dark was quite a challenge, as I didn’t know where I was stepping. When I looked up at the sky and it was an amazing experience. I had never seen so many stars in my whole life. The sky seemed like a black velvet cloth where the jeweler has rolled out all its diamonds for everyone to see.

Slowly and steadily we made it to our campsite. Someone switched on the torch and we could see the tents all at a comfortable distance, laid down on a clean area. The tea was ready and we all crashed on the ground with the bags still on our shoulders. Hot tea with snacks arrived and our warm clothes came out. It was then that I realized that it was cold. Tired and shivering, I felt happy. We sang songs and danced too. Food was ready and while we were eating we started our count-down for welcoming a New Year. Everyone shouted "Happy New Year!!!” I looked down in the valley and I could see the fire works happening in Mumbai and I knew I was away from that crowd who would be so drunk that they won't even realize that a New Year has slipped in. I was away from the city of glitter, false smiles, girls drunk and falling on their drunk boy-friends and a city of pretence. I felt happy to be where I was and I hugged my friends and wished everyone who was there a Happy New Year. Though I did miss my parents and sister and all those whom I love so much.

After wishing everyone we all gathered around the fire and talked about various topics. It was getting windy and I was tired. I proceeded towards my tent. Well, if climbing up was difficult, climbing into the sleeping bag was hilarious. We were 4 in one tent. After adjusting ourselves one by one we realized something was not right. In that small tent we tried to adjust in our sleeping bags by turning around in that little space. It took time but once we all got comfortable I realized it was my first night out in open in a jungle! I was damn scared. First of snakes, then of wild cats and then out of the blue moon I remembered "Blair Witch Project" and I couldn't sleep the whole night!

The morning was beautiful. In the night, if the valley seemed a large stretch of darkness, in the morning I realized it was so full of life. Birds were cherping, people around me were waking up and coming out of their tents with a sleepy face. Slowly, the sun peeped out from behind a mountain. Even in winters, everything around us was so green. Standing right at the end of the mountain, watching the steep slope all covered with trees and rocks, with cold wind gushing through my hair and breathing the fresh air, I realized that simple things in life are the most beautiful things to experience and at times doesn’t cost like a rocket too. I had never felt so fresh.

After little rappeling and breakfast we started our climb down. It had started getting hot and all we wanted to do was reach the base camp. I was tired with all the climbing, celebrations and of course all that thinking too! People got lost in the way, we had to wait for some and some had to wait for us but in the end when we all reached the base camp, it was a great feeling of achievment.

It was not only related to doing something different, it was more of knowing my physical strength, going to a place as beautiful as Siddhgarh and seeing nature so closely. I know I am city girl. All this is only good for a few days, but whatever little time I had spent there, it made me feel fresh like never before. On the first day of the year I wasn't cribbing about no-value for money parties or getting stuck in traffic or breathing pollution or cursing everyone in govt! I was happy and fresh and ready to start another year with more strength and willingness. It was an amazing experience and I would always look forward for another chance.

Mr. Amitabh Bachchan - The Emotional Factor

I have never been a die-hard fan of Mr. Amitabh Bachchan but these days due to constant bombarding of his image everywhere I couldn't help but stop and think about him as person who seems to be everywhere. From posters on the back of BEST bus generating controversies over smoking of cigars to every advertisement on TV to KBC to every movie that comes in theater these days. India as a nation is breathing and living on Mr. Amitabh Bachchan these days!

The Bachchan family has become the First Family of Indian Cinema. The Kapoors are no longer visible with only Kareen Kapoor coming in newspapers for all the reasons except for her work! Whether it's a new movie or a new advertisement or it's the small screen. Mr. Amitabh Bachchan seems to be everywhere. So, at times I wonder what does this person has to attract all the attention and respect he gets.

Those who are die-hard fans of him and those who are not would know his life's story very well. All the magazines and news paper have made sure that we all know it, its another question whether we really are interested in it or not. He, started as a wanna be actor. The articles in magazines and newspapers have told that people didn't recognize him as an actor then. Everything was wrong about him, his height, and his voice. He even failed in an audition at the All India Radio! He had to struggle a lot. His first film 'Saat Hindustani' (1969) failed miserably, with Mr. Bachchan going almost unnoticed. It was his 13th film 'Zanzeer' which shot him to fame and we talk about 13 being unlucky!

Well, today everyone who wants to direct a HIT film wants Mr. Bachchan in it. He alone, its believed, can make or break a film. Films like Black proved that he is one of the finest actors in Indian cinema today but there are films where his presence was done to just pull the crowds like in "Kyun Hogaya Na". Then there is "Kaun Banega Crorepati" series. So many game shows came but none could surpass the popularity of KBC whether they promised more money or whether they had other celebrities like Anupam Kher and Manisha Koirala! There is a whole range of products for which Mr. Bachchan does the advertising. From soap bars to best clothing line to cold cream, he is everywhere. If you sit and watch TV for half an hour you would be able to count his presence more than the actors for which you are watching TV!

Can you imagine any other actor taking the place of Mr. Bachchan in Black or Anand or Agnipath? Why can't any other game show become as popular as KBC? Why can't we have a "Pappu Pass Hogaya" without Mr. Bachchan? When he was hospitalized recently, Mr. Bachchan occupied the front page of every leading newspaper for almost a week; they even gave his pulse and diet! Wasn't there any other news important enough to occupy the first page? Everyone was praying for his long life. The hospital was flooded with newsmen, well wishers and also by those who have their money running on Mr. Bachchan. I got a feeling that if (god forbid!) he had expired PM would have been forced to declare a National Holiday!!

What is it, which makes this person so popular for us Indians? Is it the feeling that a common person can also find a place among starts, which attracts everyone to him? Is it because he gives strength to the belief that "Its 50% hard work and 50% LUCK"? Is it because everyone lives his or her dreams through him? I am sure of one thing...the popularity of him has nothing to do with his acting skills. Why we have so many good actors like Nasruddin Shah, Om puri, Nana Patekar...etc. For him it's the Emotional Factor that no other actor could generate. It's only the Emotional Factor that makes him so big that he can pull off any movie or TV serial or any number of advertisement or a whole nation on his shoulder alone. I am sure it has to be this because I, myself couldn't address him without a 'Mr." prefix through out and come to think of it...he is just doing his job!

Life's Second Chance

Right from the days when we enter school to crossing over to college and then to jobs each and every one of us has always prayed to God for a second chance in life. I remember when in school exams I used to realize a silly mistake, how I wished I had a second chance. Then in college, during practical exams, if one reading used to go wrong, I used to wonder why couldn't I have a remote control for life where I could rewind that one moment. How I wish I could have those days of college where having fun was the main agenda of life! When I was happy for that first Valentine gift, how I longed to live that moment again and again. I am not married, but I am sure those who are would think of that special time again and again, those with kids would always remember that particular moment when they held their newborn kid for the first time. The list can go on, but how many of us got that second chance to live those moments again?

I met a couple recently that was given a second chance in life. I was visiting my sister in Pune. Nothing special. I just love being there. I don't have an elder sister or brother, but when I am with her I never feel bad about it. Even their friends have accepted me as one of their own. I just love being there, in her house, with jijaji teasing her lovingly, with her dog always trying to draw my attention. This weekend was also no different. I was busy watching TV, hogging pizzas and sleeping. Then I on Saturday evening I got an invitation for an engagement party. Its sounds normal...but it was not. The engagement party was of an elder sister of one of the closet friend of my sister. The engagement was of Sabina and Sunil. It was going to be a second marriage for both of them and both of them have kids.

Sabina lost her husband in mysterious circumstances. He was in Navy ( I guess, I am not sure). He was going from Mumbai to Pune in train. Something happened in between and he didn't make it home. Sunil is divorced. Sabina has two kids, elder son in 9th and younger daughter in 5th. Sunil has two kids whose elder son is in 10th and younger daughter is in 8th. Both have kids old enough to understand what's happening in their parent's life. Yet, I saw them smiling though out the ceremony. With kids of this age, one wonders how did the kids accept it all. A person like me who watches a movie every weekend, I thought that, it would have been a highly melodramatic event. But maybe it's only in movies and not in real life just like one would never really shout "Kutte mein tera khoon pijaunga" in real life.

The ceremony was just like any other engagement party. Loads of stuff to eat, drink and smoke. The Bride to-be was looking ravishing in red and the Groom to be was looking smart in suit on a hot evening. Everyone was happy. Parents, friends and well wishers. Kids were taking their parents snaps. Sabina and Sunil were talking to everyone and smiling like every bride and groom does. If I would not have known the background, I would have had never realized that it was their second chance to life.

Every person has a right to live his own life. If they would have thought what the kids might say, they would have had spent their platinum years alone. It's a cycle of life. Birds learn to fly to leave their nest empty. So do kids after they are grown up. What life does our parents have when we leave for better opportunities? I guess every parent should be given a chance to live their life like they want. We kids always shout of generation gap. We kids always think that we live our parents dreams and we not given a chance to live our own life.... how many of us would encourage our parents who are alone to start their life with a new partner? How many of us would be happy if our parents would like a second chance in Life?

A little lesson from life...

You will never be happier than you expect. To change your happiness, change your expectation.

This is a famous happiness quote by Bette Davis

Happiness is relative to what we think, which age we are in and what ambitions do we have in life.

When I was a child, an orange candy could make me happy. As I grew up, my expectations from life changed and so did the definition for happiness. My happiness was linked to my mark sheet at sometime in life, and then it was linked to how I look, then to admission to a good college and then to getting a good job. When I look back, I realized I was never happy with whatever I had. It was like looking at the horizon and thinking if I'll reach there my journey would end. But we all know horizon can never be reached! It's just a trick, which our eyes play with us.

Ambitions and expectations are also like tricks that we ourselves create. We are never satisfied with what we have. We always want to achieve what others have. A simple example, imagine yourself in an auto-rickshaw standing on a traffic light. It's very hot. You are sweating like anything and cursing everything around you. And then you take a look outside your rickshaw. You see a Mercedes comes and stops right next to your rickshaw. The windows are rolled up, so definitely A/C is on. The people inside are looking as fresh as you must have looked before you stepped out from your home. Looking at them, I am sure you will instantly wish "If only I had that kind of car..." You have wished for something, which someone else has. You have made yourself unhappy for that moment.

I am not saying its wrong or right. Even I have wished for it at some point of time. All I am doing is, justifying the statement that our happiness is linked to our expectations from our lives. If we will always try to achieve someone else's dreams, how can we possible get time to achieve our own dreams.

There are many books in market, which tell you to "How to be happy" or something like that. I am not one of those. All I want to say is, through my life I have learned that to be happy I don't need to look on my side from a rickshaw, see a Mercedes and feel that I should have the same car. I can be very happy in my rickshaw too because at least I am not standing in the sun at a bus stop and waiting for the bus in the heat. I know what I can achieve and what I can't. After all, I am not perfect. But yes, I can try and be the best in whatever I do. Once I realize this, nobody could stop me from being happy.

A very dear friend of mine has said this - "Not everybody thinks like you, simply because they have not led the life you have been leading, so stop blabbering what you would have done." . So, this is certainly not a lecture on how you can be happy because only you can decide how you can be happy. It's just a little experience from my life. I hope it helps you too.

A hard days night

It's been a hard day's night, and I been working like a dog
It's been a hard day's night, I should be sleeping like a log
But when I get home to you I'll find the things that you do
Will make me feel alright...
----Lines from a song of Beatles called "A hard days night".

Today when I got up in the morning, this song kept playing in my head. I don't know how it suddenly popped up in my head. But that doesn't deny one fact; I have experienced the same in last few days.

My alarm rings exactly at 5:45 in the morning and like a morning routine I shut it off and struggle to get out of bed. I sleep facing the window. Its still dark outside. It takes a huge will power to push myself out of bed, it's time for me to go for my daily swim. I open the door and see the door of Sonali and Rashmi still closed. Greed of sleeping little more over takes me and I climb into the bed thinking no one is going. Within 5 minutes a cute little head pop-ups over me. That's Rashmi, asking me to get up too. I drag myself out of bed and walk towards washbasin and start brushing. While brushing I think of the events that await me. The mailbox full of client mails telling us we are not working properly even though we work 12 hours a day, mails from colleagues who think poor jokes would make a person smile, mails from some stupid loan company in USA trying to sell loans to me in India! I look of out the window and see the sun coming out lazily too. Wish I could just go back to bed and sleep all through the day! Rashmi and Sonali are ready and I rush to keep up with them. By the time I am out of hostel I am happy that I got up. Swimming really refreshes me up for the day ahead. Get to meet people who are above 40 and still can win a race against me. This one-hour of swim is loads of fun and a little exercise too. In all a great start to a long and tiring day!

By the time I come out of swimming pool, sun is shinning and birds are chirping. The air is fresh and I feel I can take on the world and smile a little but when I think of the day ahead, my smile suddenly drops to a frown. The road to my office is full of dust and potholes. The traffic boils the blood and people don't stop honking even when they know no one is moving. Once I get back to the hostel, getting ready picks up speed. Not because I am eager to go to office, but because I am getting late. Some how manage to reach bus stop on time. I stand there to wait for bus and right ahead of me a small kid waits in front of me for money. He tries to make all sorts of faces, thinking I would feel bad and give him some money. But I just try to stop myself from laughing. Wonder where will he go if he is given a chance in our own Bollywood!!!

I can never miss my company bus. It's like a parrot, from deep jungles of Africa, who have suddenly found a place in Bombay. Its bright green, yellow and at some places orange too. Some windows don't have a glass pane and if there are then it wont close. Anyways, it provides safe means of transport to office for free, who am I to complain. Let people also enjoy the colors of life, what if it comes laden on a company bus.

As I enter the office, from a sleeper I turn fighter. Open my mailbox. Delete all the junk, read what is to be read and start the work. There are always last minutes changes, "Aaj hi jana hai" deliverables. The products, which went day before, came back with loads of changes along with a big bug sheet, with columns, which decides our salaries - " Bugs closed by team", "Bugs closed by reviewer". It's the matter of life and death while closing these bugs. I have lunch to fill up my stomach, rarely noticing how the food tastes. I rush back to my cubical and start the marathon race to finish everything before "EOD", which is the most frequently used word to say "End Of Day". Phones ring to tell me that I have missed something, while I try and change them; phone rings again to tell me leave it as it is. In between all this I have conference calls to attend to listen the client's complains, as if mails weren't enough. By the time the product is ready from my side its late evening and I have clearly missed my company bus back to hostel. I look out of the window near my seat for the first time of the day and look down at people rushing home. I feel sad at times, as I don't have home to go back to. No hot homemade food is waiting for me on the dinning table. The phone rings suddenly and I just feel like jumping out of the window. I try and answer the phone in normal tone but I clearly fail to do so. The person on the other hand say "Ohhhh...I guess we have missed one of the bug list" and I wonder what it is going to take for this day to end! I jump into work once again and try to finish off work in time to reach my hostel in time for the deadline.

By the time my day ends in office its 9 in the night. Work is done, though I know the next day I'll have a mail in my inbox from client with a big bug list attached. I am totally drained out and decide on taking an auto from office back to hostel. My mobile phone rings and I smile. It's a call from friends in hostel, who would be waiting for me for dinner. I am happy to leave office and go back to the hostel. Told them to keep food for me and not to wait.

The moment I reach the road, I feel like crying. The road is completely jammed. Nothing is moving! I just see in amazement. At 9:30 in the night, where do so many people come from? As if crowd on the road is not enough, people are hanging out of buses too. Forget taking the bus to hostel, its painful to even look at it. Can feel the pain of people who are crammed up inside it. What the hell...I start walking. Before I realize I have walked nearly half way. I stop and try and search for an auto. At last, I find one and try and relax since the day started. As soon as I relax, a big truck comes and stands next to my auto and blows all the black, polluted air it can gather into my auto. All I can do is curse the driver in every possible way! I reach hostel and when I look at the meter to pay the fare my heart skips a beat. Wished, I had taken that over-crowded bus. I pay the amount as fare, which would have got me a value meal in Mc Donald's. I try hard to look at the meter to see if it had been tampered with, but then decide what the heck. Maybe even this auto wala might have had a hard day. I decide to pay the fare and get out of the auto.

I cross the road, enter hostel and into my room. All my friends are chatting in my room and as soon as I enter their giggles and laughter greet me. Food is already there for me. Sonali and Rashmi got it for me. They sit around me, chat with me while I have my food. Rashmi is the first one to realize that there is no water to drink and Sonali is the first one to get up and get it for me. All of us talk about our day in office and I realize I am not alone. We laugh over silly matters and console each other on serious ones. Try to share some jokes, talk about movies and gossip about the other girls in our hostel. We try to forget about office and the tensions that come along with it.

Its 11 in the night and I realize I have hardly got time for myself. I force myself to read a book, but my eyes close. I decide its time to go to sleep. I switch off the lights and snuggle into my warm bed. It's a hard day ahead tomorrow. I close my eyes and feel happy to back to the place where I belong.

The temple...Siddhivinayak

Siddhivinayak. It's a name, which brings hope, faith and respect for people in Mumbai and across India. With a major Ganpati festival approaching, I couldn't help but write about Ganpati bappa, who has ruled the city of Mumbai like anything. Nothing auspicious starts without his blessings. He is there at the entrance of the home, on meters on autorickshaw, on every shelf of gift shop. Marriages don't take place without him. We have siddhivinayak sweets, shiddhivinayak refreshments and a friend of mine, Vaibhavi, told me they even have siddhivinayak dairy! No other God can even come close to the popularity which our dear Ganpati bappa enjoys.

The temple of Siddhivinayak is situated at Prabhadevi. Some of my friends and I from hostel, decided to visit this temple one Sunday early morning. We decided on early morning because there is usually a long queue of people to visit this temple. To avoid the crowd we met at 6:30 at the entrance of the temple. One of the first things that struck me when I visited Siddhivinayak temple was the security. A friend of mine, Rashmi, had written in her blog - "At times it makes you wonder, who is this security for...for God or for us?" The same feeling even I experienced! The sand bags, the long sophisticated rifles, men in uniform, made me wonder - Are we at the right place? As we move on, the shock of security is replaced by the shock of sudden arrival of people all around us trying to sell "chadhava". "Hain madam idhar se lo...chappal idhar hi utar do...idhar phool ache hain..." Totally confused I just stopped where I was standing and someone came and pushed a basket loaded with sweets, garlands and aggarbattis into our hand. I looked around as to whom I should pay and comes a reply "Aree madam lelo, paise baad mein dedena!!" but then there no such thing as free lunch in this world. After the required things have been bought, all those people who were surrounding us suddenly vanish. Surprised, I look around and notice that they have moved on to some other approaching people. Then I realize, our faith is their business.

After all this, we move on for actual darshan. There is maze of bamboo that we had to cross to get inside the temple. Once inside we saw a small queue of people moving slowly. We went and joined the queue. Moving slowly and in no hurry I realized, that there was absolutely no crowd and I felt happy about it as we won't have to fight for one glimpse of God. If I had come on a Tuesday, which is considered to be the day of Lord Ganesha, I would had to wait for hours before I could even place my feet in temple.

Once inside, it seemed we were totally cut of from the world out side, the world of heavy security, traffic and pollution. In one corner a small speaker is playing soft chants. There is faint smell of flowers and agarbattis. No one is shouting or screaming. Its surprising, even children are quite and following there parents. Faith does wonders to all. In front of me in the queue was a young couple. Wife was holding a cute little bundle in her arms. The child was very young and was fast asleep too. I looked at the child and wondered has this child come with the faith in God or the life he'l live will make him believe in Him.

Ultimately we arrive for what we had come. The Idol of Ganesha is in striking saffron color with a silver dhoti and a gold crown sitting beautifully on his head. Its said that its one of the rarest idol of Lord Ganesha as it has its trunk on the left side. It's so loaded with garlands that you can only see an innocent face. The idol shines in loads of lights and gold that surrounds it and the roof. Everything inside is beautifully decorated. Looking at the idol, I forgot everything. The idol, though lifeless, gave me hope. Hope not only for me but also for everyone I know. Felt as if something there was pulling out all the negative energy inside me. It seemed that the moment had stopped, but then someone from behind said softly "Keep Moving" and I realized that there are others waiting behind me. I gave one last look and prayed for everyone I know and moved on.

Coming out I saw small group of people gathered in a group and I couldn't help but smile. There in front of me, in the center of the crowd, sitting proudly facing Lord Ganesha is a silver mouse, known as vehicle for Lord Ganesha, in Sanskrit Mushak, in Hindi Vahan. People believe if you say something in its ear, it gets conveyed to Lord Ganesha. Old, young, student, employed or unemployed everyone was trying there luck. Do I call this escapism or faith? Do I call this a ritual or blind faith or superstition? I choose not to question this. I sat down quietly and watched people making their wish into the ear of the mouse. After a while it was time to go. We got up and having a last look at Lord Ganesha we came out feeling refreshed, calm and positive.

I know some people do not believe in God. Even I, at times find it difficult to believe in something that is made of lifeless stone or wood. May be my belief in God is because in today's world when everything is corrupt, bad and ugly I need one thing to hold on to, one thing to believe in. I know God cannot do miracles for me. But by believing in him, I get faith, hope, strength and belief in myself and I believe that if I want I can create miracles for myself.

A day in Mumbai Local trains

What do you imagine when you hear the word "Mumbai"? Preity Zinta, Hrithik Roshan, Sharukh Khan or BIG shopping malls, Mercedes, Skoda or sea, beaches and babes.

Well they are a part of Mumbai. But if you ask the same question to a person who has been living and working in Mumbai, you will get a different answer. The answer will be - Local trains, Local Buses, traffic police (mamu to be more precise) and beggars.

One weekend in Mumbai is enough to know how local trains work. Though it takes 1 hr for me to travel to town side but I never realize how the time passes. The journey starts at the ticket counter.The moment I enter the area where tickets are avaible the first thing that comes into my mind is, can I go back? Seeing the long line of people makes me wonder from where do all these people come from? With a heavy heart I join the long queue of people waiting to get a ticket. The moment I stand in line, there comes a small hand poking me. I look down and I realise a small child is begging. I try to shoo the child off but it keeps pestering. I try to ignore and to do time pass I look around and i see a big board with numbers on it and after looking at it for a long time and I realise its a list of ticket rates from various stations. By looking at it I try to figure out what amount i would be required to pay. But before i could figure that out, I land up on window and when the questions about my destination are shot back, I am totally confused!!! "Ticket for Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus"...single or return...chuta do...by the time I get out of the line I don't even know whether its the right ticket or did I get the proper amount. But when I look back I realize its more trouble to ask than to move on. Hoping that everything I have in my hand is correct I proceed to platform.

There is separate compartment for ladies. One time the eunuchs in Mumbai wanted a separate compartment coz they felt they couldn’t decide which one to take, ladies or gents. Locating a ladies compartment is little tricky. You have to rely on your animal instinct. Search for a similar looking species group and silently join it. The major tussle starts when the trains comes on platform. The dupattas are tight around the waist and the purses hung crossly and I suddenly feel what would happen if someone started playing a trumpet and shouted "Dhava Booolllll". Well, if that's not going to happen, some tricks come in handy like , to stand right in front of the crowd. The crowd will push you forward and in no time you'l be inside trying to search a place, not to sit but to stand. Its amazing to see so many ladies inside one small compartment.

Once a local newspaper did a research on the noise level in ladies compartment in local trains in Mumbai. They said its much higher than the safe decibel level for normal human ear and then i wonder what if Supreme Court set a noise level limit in ladies compartment. All ladies will die of suffocation. There is all kind of noise there. Someone is selling toys, edibles, clothes and someone if the far corner will shut "foreign chocolates" and every head will turn in that direction. You can find anything in local train. You want to dress up for an evening party you can get lovely earning, nail paints, lip liners and combs. Well, you cant be brand choosy in there, can you? Once I saw two friends talking among themselves. Looking at them i forgot all the noises that were surrounding me. They were deaf and dumb. They were talking through sign language. They laughed from heart but no one could listen. Suddenly, there is a high pitch noise singing the famous song of not so famous film and I am brought back to reality of my capability to hear. Small children singing, elder one playing harmonium and you wonder what life do they have? Their age is play in dusty grounds but for their parents that’s the age when they can earn the most. At times I really want to help a kid and give him money but then I seen young kids doing drugs and I restrain myself. I would rather prefer to give something to eat than to give money.

As stations pass, the train becomes less crowded. I do then what I love to do best. I stand on the door. I can see where the train turns like a snake in a dessert. I can see rows of houses passing so fast that I can just make out through colored lines. Makes me feel as if I am flying and free to go where ever I want to. The wind pushing through my hair, tears flying out from the corner of my eyes due to the force of wind on my face. I love it all. As the train picks up the speed, I sway a little with the motion of the train and i am detached from the world that is around me. I start thinking about various issues of life. The train pass a over-head bridge and I can't avoid looking at people living under it. With whatever little space that is available they have made a home for themselves. Children are playing on tracks, far in the corner someone is taking drugs trying to forget hunger. Seeing all this makes me wonder what forces them to stay and live such kind of life. Can't they take a decision to lead a better life and move on to some other place? What makes them stay here? What makes them happy even though they are not living a life worth living? At those moments I thank God for whatever I have and thank God for such caring and loving parents who took some right decisions in life and made our lives worth living.

Slowly and slowly the train reaches its destination and I didn't even realize that 1-hour has passed since I had climbed into this train. I get down and I realize my hair on head is standing, my dress is all ruffled up with the crowd in the train, and I might not be looking my best, but in the end I loved it. In the end I always learn something when I come out of the local train.

Local Trains which is famously called - Lifeline of Mumbai.

Happy Independence Day

Do we really need 15th August?

Today i was going through an article on the Nanavati report for riots that took place during 1984 when Indira Gandhi was assassinated. The way the writer wrote the article was very expressive but the most haunting line that caught me was the line with which he ended his article. Justice delayed is justice denied; and justice denied is a recruitment notice for separatism. This line made me think where does separatism fit in our country because don't we claim to the largest democracy of world?

India the largest democracy in the world is going to celebrate Independence Day just 3 days from today. India, which had become a symbol for "Non-Violence fight for Independence" for most of the countries that were under the British raj nearly 58 years ago. India's most important foreign policy is that of non-violence. But the same country has a history of 3 major riots that had ripped the country apart. The first was in 1984 in Delhi (capitol of India), second one in 1992-1993 in Mumbai (capitol of Maharashtra) and the third one just 3 years back in ahemdabad (capitol of Gujarat). Do we really believe in what we fought for? Where are going from here, post godhra, post black Friday (Mumbai riots) and post Nanavati Report?

How many of us are ready to stand when we hear our national anthem playing? When asked what caste, how many of us answer "Indian"? How many of us don't smirk at Muslims? How many of us eligible Indians vote? We as Indian have done nothing for our country. Whatever we have today was given to us who fought for independence and yet whenever we hear of such riots, we stand up immediately and blame govt. of India for it. No, the govt. is not wrong anywhere. It's us who stand wrong here. Who elected the govt.? We did. Those who are sitting on that chair are from among us. They reflect what we think, and the world is seeing what they have to show. We have done more harm to our country than those could do. We have stopped believing in our self. We have our self have divided our own country in the name of religion, in the name of minority and majority.

Of course, it's more convenient to be Indian when we are in USA rather than when we are in India. A person in USA would search for a dustbin to throw a piece of garbage, but the same person moving in Mercedes in India would just roll down the window and throw out garbage. A person USA would easily laugh at his country. What they forget is that they are laughing at themselves.

As the youth of India, it's our responsibility to stand up and say no to violence in the name of religion. Justice should be given to those who thought themselves to be God and took the decision of who should live and who should not. We should start respecting our country, our religion. We should start taking responsibility of our own actions. Its time to stand up whenever we hear "Jan Gan Man".... because blood doesn't come cheap nor does Independence. Happy Independence Day.

Happy Friendship Day

"Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget." - G. Randolf

When we are born, we don't know anything. Whatever we know today, its foundation was laid by our own parents. Though the word "Friendship" was taught by my parents, its meaning was taught by my friends.

The joy of getting to know people other than our family starts when we enter school. There for the first time in our lives we make friends. The meaning of friendship at that time means sharing tiffin, sharing notes, holding hands, distrubuting sweets together in school on b'days. Those are innocent days when we dont think of future and leave in present.Those were the days when if our friends won we were happy for them. Those days, the meaning of friendship was simple.

Life never stops, and hence we move on from being little childern, to grown ups. The meaning of friendship changes from being simple to being possesive. The meaning of friendship changes to sharing secrets, infactutaions, clothes. We cocon out of the shelter of our parents and friends hold our hands n help us to see the world and handle little heart breaks, first valintines and first drive on vehical. We step out to experiment with life and the main indegrent are friends. We learn to laugh together, save 10 bucks to go out and njoy a tea on a wetty rainy day on street near your house. We learn that to enjoy life you don't need money, big flashy cars. What you need is a true friend!!! But then at this stage we also realise that if our friends won, we are not happy. We also want to win. This gives us ambitions in life and without realising we have learnt to fly with the help of our friends.

Our amibition takes us to new places. We meet new people and make new friends. Those who showed us the world, are left behind. Friends who walked beside us each day, who taught us to face the world, who taught us to fly are soon forgotten. New friends take their place. Sometimes we do miss those innocent days but soon learn to live with memories. This new world of ours include so many people. Some who are more than friends, some who become love of our lives but can never be friends, some are lucky to get love and friend in same person. Life is no longer simple. We learn to become diplomatic. Friendship is more of "What you can give!" than "What we can share!". In the haste to get money n fame, we at times forget to look beside us...and loose some of the gem of persons. In haste to prove ourselves right we forget who we end up hurting and loosing for our life.

When the life starts slipping out of hands, we then realise that we have lost so much in haste to win and win what? We have lost the innocense of friendship, warmth of holding each other, the slience of being for each other. Soon we realise that we are left alone. But its too late. We stand like an autum tree, all leaves have broken loose and left.

People might say friendship day is useless. But i beg to differ here. Its the day when you can reach out to those who are left behind. Its the day when you can really stop and see who are standing beside you and who are waiting when you'l look around you and smile at them. Because true friendship can get lost with a wink of an eye!!! Let this day be a toast to all my friends who made me what i am today. Though i have fallen so many times...but for my friends my faliure wasn't permanent. That's why i want to dedicate this day to all my friends. Happy friendship day!!!

A day which took more than 48 hrs to end

Well the sun is shining again today. BEST are working and trains are running on time. They say mumbai is back to normal. But is it?? People who are safe won't say its normal. People who have seen worst won't get over it for their whole life.

The day 26th July: Started normally for all. It was the usual office day. People got up, had breakfast and stepped out of their house...and many like me must have said "oooppppss...forgot my windshetter (or umbrella)". But no one realised that its going to take more than 48 hours for this day to get over.

My seat in office is next to window. When everyday i look out i can see planes taking off to far off lands...that day i couldn't even see The Leela Hotel across the road! The winds were blowing so fast and it was raining like mad. But living in mumbai for 4 years made me have a false security feeling that its going to stop soon. I didn't even bother to open any news site to see if everything is fine out of my 4 walls of office. Mail came at 4 in the evening. People should leave if they want "After taking permission of their PMs!!!" That time it seemed funny...now it doesn't.

I went down and had my evening tea n snacks. Didn't realise even then that its bad. When i came upstairs to my seat, I for the first time saw panic in the eyes of people and realised that the situation is bad. People went down and came back within an hour. There was neck deep water everywhere. Everyone decided to stay in office. Lights went out. No water. Basement got flooded. Mobile network jammed. The only way we could our mind at peace was to keep ourslves busy. We played antakshari, saw F.R.I.E.N.D.S on PC, played cards. People fought water and went down to get something to eat. Office provided dinner and snacks. Slept on chairs. People who came back told the stories of childern being swept away, BEST overturning due to the force of water. There were people missing from our office, who went out never to return. One guy in our office was found dead near SAHARA airport.That guy used to sit next to me for JAVA traning. He was planning to give JAVA certification.

The day 27th July: Got up at 5:30. The water had gone down to walkable level. People started gathering in groups to walk down home. I walked from my office(Andheri(E)) to Ghatkopar station in 2 hours. The way was bad. Father searching for his daughter, buses aboundended, big block of road washed off! It resembled a ghost town. Reached Ghatkopar station and frist sight of relief was a tapri selling hot wada-pav. Wet and cold it was a blessing. Had that before starting off again. Ghatkopar(E)....completely flooded. Somaiya grounds completely flooded. Took lift in a car, in a big tempo and somehow managed to reach Ghatkopar Depo near Eastern Express Highway. There what i saw i won't be able to forget whole my life. People everywhere, some begging and some trying to steal a seat in any vehical that is moving. Well a vehical that was moving was a big thing coz nothing was moving!!! It was a mother of all chaos!!! Started walking with only one aim...that is to reach Amar Mehal. Tired, soaked to skin and hungry. But one thing in mind kept us going. Reach home. Reached amar mehal. The site i saw didn't resemble anything like amar mehal i reach everyday to catch my office bus. The water was everywhere. First it was knee deep, near Sahakar it was waist deep and some distance ahead it was sholder deep. Just reach home and everything would be alright. That one was one thing that kept me going. Well there were some moments that brought smile on my face...a cute little dog swam past me, kids diving in water. Not all was that bad. Reached hostel to find uday mama n gang having fun. The site of hostel was a big relief and a surprise too. The ground floor was totall flooded. The TV room empty but filled with water. Office had books and papers floating in water. Mess completly submerged in water. I climbed upstairs and first thing i saw was sonali. Only thing that came to mind was "I am alive" and second thing was "I wanna go loo" . That was 2 in the afternoon. From 6 till 2 i was walking and it didn't feel like that. Coz the relief that i was alive and all people in hostel are safe...was more than enough.

The day 28th July: Water has suddenly vanished. Mobile was catching network again. Rushed outside on road and called ma. Hearing there was i felt i have heard God! She started crying but i couldn't. I knew it would make it all the more bad. Papa and ma were happy that i am ok. I was happy that i could talk to them. Felt like pinching myself. Battery was totally gone. Just wanted to let everyone know that i am ok. Messaged binny and mobile went off. Well, we went out to see how everything was. It cannot be described in any way. Shoppers Stop flooded. The stories that came when people started returning was even worst. Some saw dead bodies floating in water. Some were stranded on some or the other station for whole 2 days. People walked from VT or churchgate to reach tilak nagar, some had spent the whole night at the stairs of shoppers stop!!! After hearing such stories i realised that i didnt even see 2% of it!

The day 29th July: I am back in office. It all seems like a big bad dream. But i know its not. The expression of people's face say its not. The look of the roads say its not. The newspaper headline say its not. The tears in the eyes n voice of people say its not. The fact that i saw and heard it all says it all. The fact that i am alive, all my friends are alive says it that it was not a dream. Thank God!

The aim for writting this mail is not to make you feel bad or sad. The only aim is the realisation i want to share with you all that no matter how much we fight, we dis-agree with everyone. In the end we all care for each other. No matter if we mark you in cc of mails, it indicates that we want to be in touch. No matter how far we are from each other, the safety of each and everyone matters to us. No matter if we are friends or sisters...we all are one life and its the most precious gift that god has given to us.I want to thank sonali for worring about me, want to thank kartik and swapna for calling my parents and keeping their hope alive, want to thank mamta and pushpa for their messages asking for our safety. Want to thank everyone who prayed for me and called to see if i am ok....because in the end nothing else counts. Its all very small in front of being alive...and i am happy that i am.