A stream of thoughts

Sometimes what we want to speak fail to reach ears of many people. Through my blog i hope its reaches the eyes of people who want to read it.

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Location: illinois, United States

Monday, November 20, 2006

So, when are you getting married…?

What’s my age…?
According to me – Best age to be.

According to my friends – Have fun buddy…

According to my parents – Its getting late…you should have been married by now!

My mom gets a high blood pressure at this point.

These things have become a part and parcel of my life lately. I am at threshold of marriage. Everything is ready from my parent’s side. All I need is a guy. Well, to find that guy I have traveled a lot and I had the opportunity to meet a lot of guys. Some guys are very nervous and they cough before they speak to me. Some are late by 2 hours because they had an emergency. They had to take a friend of theirs to a doctor. The emergency was his friend was loosing his hair! Some are actually nice and stable but they kind of realize it little late that they are meeting me for a reason and that reason happens to be marriage. Of course, at the age of 29-30 they are too young to get married. I completely understand. Some want to study even after getting married and want their wives to work. That’s great. I call such people open minded. But then aren’t wives supposed to look after house and husbands supposed to work. I get little confused but I completely understand their point of view too. Some come to meet the girl because their parents want them to meet the girls. We meet, have a nice time and they go back and say “Sorry, I can’t decide in just one meeting”. It’s another way of saying – “Hell no! I can’t let go of my freedom so easily!” Somehow, such kind of guys reminds me of Rahul Bose of Pyaar Ke Side effects movie. You have not seen it? Please, do go and see it.


I am thinking of making a serial on this phase of my life…maybe I’ll call it Ms. Joshi (remember the serial Mr. Yogi). All these things and such encounters make me wonder a lot about marriage as an institution.


I know a lot of people who are not happy with their marriage but are sticking on because of kids. Is their marriage successful? They are definitely not in love. Their kids know that they are not happy to be together. Everybody knows that they are just waiting to get out of each others company. Then who are they fooling. They wasted the prime age of their lives fooling themselves. Is this what I should look for in marriage – compromise?


I know people who have had inter-caste marriages too. Living in India inter-caste marriage should be titled – “Father of all marriages”! One of my cousin sisters who I frequently visit in Pune had an inter-caste marriage. They are defiantly enjoying their marriage. Though they fought for this happiness in the beginning, but looking at them I am sure that they are not regretting it one bit. Shouldn’t all marriages be like that? Is this what I should look for in marriage – friendship between two matured people?


Recently, I met a friend who is a really good looking guy and working for defence. I have seen girls die for such kind of guys. Then very casually, he told me that he is a divorcee. That was such a great painful shock for me. I had so many questions to ask him but I couldn’t gather courage to ask him. But if they took a decision to separate, it must be a valid reason. I know what a normal lovey-dovey break up does to people, so what would a divorce do to a person. However strong you are, I am sure a thing like divorce can certainly break you at some point or the other, especially if you are one of those kinds who want to make your marriage last till eternity and I am sure he is one of those. So, is this how the marriage should be – painfully alone?


Or should marriage be like what my parents have. First marry, have kids and then fall in love. Ok, I stole this line from a Bollywood movie. But isn’t it correct. That’s how I have seen my parents and their marriage. Their marriage might not be an ideal one. But I know that they love each other. It might not be a love where the husband showers gifts and flowers over his wife but it is certainly a love which has stood the test of time for 27 long years. So, does this mean I’ll have to wait for my love for 27 years of marriage? Is this what marriage is – waiting for one thing in life that you always dream of?


All these questions will remain unanswered for me I know. I am at a crossroad where I have to choose a path in life without knowing what lays ahead for me. All those who I know have sometime or the other have asked me this question - So when are you getting married? Its like asking so when do you plan to jump off the cliff. However much I try, life will flow like a river following its own course. Suddenly, there be a huge waterfall and before I know I’ll made to jump of the cliff like water falls off from the top of the mountain without knowing where it would land. So here I am, meeting guys, thinking all the while would this guy would be the one, keeping my fingers crossed, hoping and praying all the time, while my mom keeps having high blood pressure.


Last but not the least…You are all invited to my marriage, whenever that happens

Saturday, November 18, 2006

The setting sun on indian history

-Ellora Caves (11th Nov 2006)

The bright sun turns pale in the evening and one can actually look at it and admire its perfect round shape and the vibrant orange color. The cool breeze of evening playfully moves my hair. All around me people are dressed in colorful dresses. Women are looking beautiful with their hair loaded with flowers with all possible colors and men have garlands around their neck. The air is filled with fresh air and the scent of fresh flowers forms an envelope around me. Every one is moving in slow motion towards a big cave. The climb to the cave was very steep but nobody seems to mind it. Everyone is eager to reach to the cave.

Everyone slows down in front of the cave and slowly humming the songs enter the cave carefully. Inside the cave, big idols of God are carved out of the hard rock. The idols seem so real that I was even afraid to touch them, what if I disturb their sleep and wake them up. Each idol depicts a story from the Vedas and hindu mythology. The vibrant colors decorating the huge idols on the walls of the cave matched the colors flowers decorated on the hair of various women moving slowly near me. It’s amazing how a craftsman can put life in a lifeless rock. A rocky wall which wasn’t existent till few years ago, starts dancing in front of my eyes.

Suddenly, the drums start playing and everyone looks at the temple situated right in the center. The temple has finer designs carved on the walls and it simply glows in front of me. The King emerges from the main temple and everyone welcomes him by shouting his name. The king is dressed in fine clothes and the setting sun’s last rays bless him. He lets the flowers in his hands blow away with air. The flowers dance for a while in the air and slowly reaching the earth below. People around me slowly start moving up stair case towards the temple. I follow the crowd and I reach a big hall. The hall has beautiful designs on its roof, pillars and floor. The vastness and yet the simplicity of the temple is simply amazing. The whole aura had put me in a trance. It felt like a force was pulling me inside. The shivling in the temple was huge. It was decorated with flowers and sweet smell of the incense filled the air. The priests were singing bhajans and their voice filled me with certain energy. Everything seemed so pure...so unreal.

Suddenly, I heard someone calling my name and I looked back and I saw Sonali standing. I looked at the shivling again and it was barren. The walls around me were bare and the idols were broken. The temple had no life in it. There were no flowers or incenses burning. There were no lights inside the temple and darkens inside the temple sadden me. I don’t know what I felt was a dream or had a lived a moment in the golden era of Indian history. When I came outside the sun was setting. Its last rays were dancing around a pillar that was standing tall. I started walking towards the exit and looked back one last time. It felt like a setting sun on the golden period of Indian history and are we responsible for it?