Snapshots of 2007...

Today when Sonali and Rashmi left for their office, when our maid went after doing the cleaning of our house, I sat down on the chair besides the big window of our house and looked outside. There were noises from the near by school, somewhere there was load music playing on radio and the birds were chirping. Life was going on for everyone as it did for every day. For me time slowed down and i saw the memories flash across from the year 2007 flash across me.

I shook myself out of the dream and looked around my house. Four faces, all 32 teeth showing, started back at me...a sketch snap taken on 31st Dec 2006 with Sonali, Manasi, Rashmi and me. It felt like yesterday when all four of us went for a stupid movie because we couldn’t find a better place to go for our New Year celebration. After the movie got over, IMAX Adlabs surprised us by serving free cake. Well, nothing which is free should be left out and we all joined the line for our free cake. After all, it’s new year. We marked the beginning of yet another year by hugging each other and laughing like mad. Something magical was in the air...made us feel on cloud 9. That marked the beginning of year 2007 for us...for me!

Well, the year 2007 was magical for me. My friends got married, some celebrated their 3rd anniversary and as always I felt amazed on how fast time flies. Friend's kids celebrated their birthdays and at these times i always get transported back to life where we girls had no responsibility and as carefree as ever, a vast contrast to what we are today. It always surprises me as how madly happy we were then and how our happiness knows no boundaries even now. My list of friends increased with a single trip to Goa when i found new friends in Deepali and Rishi whom i didn’t know before 2007 started. Well, it doesn’t take much to get such amazing friends...just plan a trip to Goa...Goa will take care of the rest.

Then of course I found my life patner in my best friend. I knew Ashish as a friend for a 10 long years but now I am getting to know Ashish as husband (as he likes to say - to-be husband). We used to spend hours talking on Fatehsagar when we were in college. This time when i went to Fatehsagar with him, holding his hands...there was something special. Sometimes I feel...is it for real? Without being aware of it, i feel a smile appearing on my face and my heart says...it’s for real. Sitting there in my home, looking at my snap with him... I knew it was a beginning of all the new things in life. This year 2007 changed so many things in my life with just one incident.

When i look back at my last new year, watching movie in IMAX and Ashish enjoying in USA...we didn’t have the slightest idea of what this year is going to bring to us. Now that we know, it has made this year even more special.

This year was not only smiles. People lost their loved ones and there were tears too. For every up, there were downs too. What’s a year - 365 days, if you don’t have little downs to make way for ups? The whole journey of tears and laughter were made memorable for me by my friends and family and my new family too. The ride to Delhi for friend's marriage, proposing to Ashish, getting engaged on 23rd April 2007, learning to cook, trips to Bangalore, having a family surrounding me and Ashish to congratulate us for a new path that we have chosen together, a trip to Goa and riding on bike sitting behind Ashish, birthdays in our weekend villa(our small flat in 304), Holi, Diwali and many more festivals, getting a TV and the joy of having cable connection of our own, wiping of tears for friends and letting them we are there for each other...a year gone by leaving behind wonderful memories.

I didn’t realize for how long i was lost but when I looked around my house...it felt the time had stopped for me. Well, the time has come to welcome 2008 with new resolutions and new dreams. I hope this coming year is as wonderful as the year that has gone by...for everyone who touches my life.

Change is only things that constant in Life

How many times you would have heard this saying? How many times something changed in your life and you were sad about it? How many times something changed in your life and you were happy about it?

I am heading towards the biggest change of my life. I am getting married. A lot of things would change. I want to be prepared for it but everyday when i think about my D-Day i get scared. Little things which I take for granted would change. Things that defined who I am would change. I am both happy and sad about it.

Things like my surname. I was born with surname Joshi. The first thing probably my parents taught me was my name - Kritika Joshi. All through 28 years of my life I was known as Kritika Joshi. My school mark sheets, my certificates which I won in competition, the offer letter when I got my first job, my passport by which i have an identity of being Indian citizen...everywhere I am known as Kritika Joshi. I know myself as Kritika Joshi. Yet on 27th Jan...I'll become Kritika Savani. The surname of my husband would be added to my name. I'll move on from being my father's daughter to my husband's wife leaving behind whatever my father gave me and accepting what my husband would give me.

The place which I call my home would change. Since the time I was born I have known my parents house as my home. That’s the place where I first learned to walk. That’s the place where I learned so many lessons of my life. That’s the place where i used to sit outside in winters, surrounded by the sweet smell from garden, feeling the cold wind brush against my cheeks and reading novels. Yet on 27th Jan, it won’t be my home anymore. My husband's home would be my home. A place I used to frequently visit for a cup of tea or evening time pass as friends would be the place I would be living in. In the morning when I’ll get up, my sister wont be there snuggling beside me or my pet dog wont be barking for attention. My mom would no longer come and hug me in the morning to tell me to get up and have the breakfast she cooked for me. My father wont be there sitting on breakfast table, ready to head to office. I would no longer be the daughter of my home...I'll become daughter-in-law of my husband's home.

The space which my parents have in my life would change. All through my life they were first for me. They saw me taking my first step, they were first to hear when I spoke my first word, they were first to see me off to my school, they were first to offer me my first pocket-money. When i won my first award at school they were first to know and celebrate it with me. They were the only people i could think of when had my first salary. My life revolved around them. On 27th Jan...my priorities would have to change. I will have Ashish's parents as my parents. For the first time in my life my parents would have to take second place in my life.

On 27th Jan Ashish and I would be tied through the relationship of marriage. Its amazing how a single event in my life has the capability to change so many things in my life. I am sad about the things which will be left behind, yet I am happy about the new beginnings. I am scared of leaving most precious relationships behind yet I am happy about new relationships. My heart is filled with joy but at the same time scared of the change which will bring with it loads of things which would be new to me. My life is going to start all over again...but this time Ashish will be there beside me, holding my hand through the ups and down of my life. I know change is the only thing constant in life...yet we never have enough time to prepare for it.

Most Important Day of my Life

Cold winter rains splash outside in Delhi, the glass is covered with fog, marking the area of warmth and cold very clearly. Inside the Barista I and Ashish are trying to make sense of the chaos that has brought us together. I look outside...people huddled in groups to defy cold or rush to their cars to escape the cold winds which can chill you to bones. It has been cold and wet winter in Delhi and yet seeing Ashish in front of me for a reason which we both are trying to justify filled me with warmth. He has been my friend for almost 9 years.

We met at NIIT in 1998. I was a girl from St. Mary's School...convent school only for girls. He was from St. Paul’s School...convent school for boys. The simple Hi's and Hello's followed into the knowledge that he is also in the same college where I was studying. Rather he was in the same class as me. It filled me with so much relief that here is a guy from same school of thoughts as I am...in those days, which school one belonged to was as important as one's caste. The meetings in NIIT expanded to meetings in college. We formed a group of like minded people. The class rooms shifted from college to Fatehsagar. I found KANVAS - that was the name we gave to our group. It was really like a canvas where different people filled my life with different colors of life. I found new meaning to life...I found comfort of friendship in Ashish. Then, like different breeds of birds gathered together in a lake for winters fly to their homes in summer...we like those flocks of birds flew away to different cities to find our dreams. I went to Mumbai and Ashish went to Pune.

We met at go-karting ground in Hiranandani in Mumbai in 2003. We were not in touch for 2 years. We both got busy with our lives. That evening when the slight drizzle filled the empty space between me and Ashish, we caught back on life that we weren’t together. The past, where we were best friends...brought us together again. It was new beginning for us again. A pack of popcorn followed by a coffee...followed by star gazing watching the stars of sky coming down to city of Mumbai when we saw lights turning night into day. It was kind of symbolic for me. I had found the most cherished person back in my life. We started meeting once a while. The meeting from Hiranandani followed into meetings with friends on Marine Drive and going together for plays and going for treks. With him the conversation flowed even if we both were not talking. Then, I came to know he is shifting Bangalore. Time to fly again. I remember the treat in Pizza hut and sitting with Udaipur friends after that in another restaurant. My past and present where leaving me again and I had let it slip out of my hand like sand. Ashish from Bangalore went to USA and we lost touch again.

We met at Cafe Coffee Day at Hiranandani in 2006. Ashish just got back from USA. I had just got through Accenture. I was fed up of meeting guys from Shaadi.com. He was a regular visitor of Shaadi.com. We discussed the pains of getting married to unknown and the beautiful dreams of being in marriage. We talked of our past which we both cherished like sweetest dream. We talked of our present which was making us look like adults refusing to grow up. But at the same time we both had changed a lot. We both had seen so much in life that the facts and practicality stared us point blank at our face. However much we refused, life was forcing us to grow up and take notice of things that were shaping around us like the expectations of our parents to see us married...like the loneliness that enveloped us because slowly all our friends were settling into married life...like people leaving us and we couldn’t do anything about it. Yet again I started looking forward to meeting him and he again formed a part of my life. Then, once again he left for USA.

We met at Pizza hut at Hiranandani. I met him after meeting a shaadi.com guy. While talking to the guy I realized that he is again from the same lot. At the age of 31, he was wondering whether to get married or not. He was planning to go to USA and not sure when he would be coming back again. I was standing and talking to him but hardly paying attention to him. All this while, I was looking forward to meet Ashish who was standing right in front of me noticing the irritation on my face. When I met Ashish that day, I looked at him and I realized, I wanted to spend my life with someone like him…then again, why not him? That day while sitting in pizza hut I suddenly felt conscious of him as a guy whom I would love to spend my whole life with. I saw him as a person beyond just as a friend. I saw in him what I was looking for in every guy. I finally realized that I wanted to give him and me a chance. I wanted to know if he was also looking for someone like me. The meeting that day followed into a mail, where I proposed to him.

We met at Barista in Delhi in Feb 2007, on a cold and rainy afternoon. Rest is then a history...On 23rd April 2007, I got engaged to Ashish. It was the most wonderful feeling. Its not about getting married, its not about long phone calls, its not about learning to cook for him, its not about the smiles on the face of my parents and sister and my friends. It’s about knowing that the person whom I'll get married to knows me like he knows his shadow. Its about the love in his eyes for me...its about sharing same interests while being equally different...its about knowing that I’ll be walking the shores of my life while holding hands of my best friend and being in love with him...its about knowing that with Ashish I can be what I am without changing too much about myself and its about all those unsaid feelings that are still finding ways in our lives together.

At times, when I look back, I laugh at my own life and feel amazed at how it brought me to Ashish. My life has been like a game which we used to play as kids in birthday parties. There is a parcel passed around in circle. When the music stops, one layer of packing comes off and the holder gets a small gift. The process is repeated until the all the layers come off and the last person gets the biggest and brightest gift. At various instances of life, I got a small gift, a small hint of what is going to come, only to start the game all over again. The last gift in the parcel game is always what you expect the least yet it always manages to make you happy and thrilled. That gift for me which my life had in store for me was - Ashish.

THE question never seems to fade away. The answer to the question - So, when am I getting married...27th Jan 2008. :-) Everyone’s Invited - Kritika & Ashish

Few of my favourite things

Sitting at next to a window with a hot mug of tea and my favorite book, with the rain pouring outside.
Dinner with my entire family sitting at one dinning table.
Looking at the evening sun rays filtering through the leaves of big coconut trees.
Sitting at Marine drive and looking at the setting sun over the silent sea.
Smell of home cooked food.
Sleeping on my mom’s lap.
Looking at a kid smiling in sleep and wondering who is that kid dreaming of?
Snuggling into my warm blanket during cold winter nights and feeling lazy to get up on cold mornings.
The smell of first rain after very hot summer.
The feeling of fresh and wet grass under my feet.
Looking at horizon from a sea beach n wanting to touch it.
Looking at sun rise from 36,000 ft above the ground while flying home.
Walking along the beach with sea waves playing touch n go with my feet.
A big hug from someone I missed for a long time.
A surprise party which my friends arranged for my birthday.
Getting letter of appointment from my dream company…Accenture.
Rain drops on Roses and spider webs.
Receiving an offline message or Orkut invitation from a long lost friend or a long forgotten crush.
Feeling rain splash on my face and dancing in the rain.
Coming home to a warm welcome from my dearest pet dog.
Listening to songs like Summer of 69 and Hotel California with my old friends.
Waking up to songs of birds in morning.
Climbing on mango trees and getting scolded later.
Dancing to my favorite song when alone at home.
Having orange candy on a hot summer afternoon.
Going on long drive with music playing full blast.
Looking at the full moon and looking at the star full of sky from a place far away from the madding city.
Lazy afternoon sleep on those rare Sundays when I am home.

These are some of the moments that refresh me whenever I think of them. When these things happened, they went by in a flash. But when I sit n remember them, they always manage to put a smile on my face. What are your special moments? Do drop it in the comments...

For my dear sis Shalini, with love

Sitting in Volvo bus, on my way to Mumbai from Udaipur I look outside the window. I had gone to Udaipur for my cousin’s wedding. The night has fallen and it’s completely dark outside. Everybody is sleeping inside. Once in a while I see a little flicker of light far away. I try to make myself comfortable. The AC is on and I pull my blanket to feel little warm. There is a peaceful silence around me and I drift back to a past.

We both had met at Shalini’s house for the first time. The day I met her was the luckiest day of my life. I found in her an elder sister, a best friend and love from her that would last for all my life. From there started a series of walk to school together with me always waiting for her at the gate and she always getting late for school, eating orange bar on Fatehsagar together, rides on Kinetic, sharing little secrets, having fun in the school, giggling in the corridors, sharing the tinniest bit of blue ribbon, sharing tears on school farewell and watching movies late in the night and then feeling scared to go out to lock the doors. We were always lost in our own worlds. When girls in school had loads of stories of their boyfriends we were busy dreaming crazy dreams. We thought of becoming Don. We dreamt of black limousine stopping in front of our house, we getting out of it in black leather attire and holding AK47! I smiled and saw my own reflection in the window of the bus. It was all such a long time back…but the sweet smell of these memories is still alive in my senses.

Pakhi sitting next to me stirred on her seat. Outside saw little bushes blurring into each other because of the speed of the bus. Somehow it resembled my life. Sitting at one place I was looking at my life passing by. I went back to the days of my college when we started our graduation together. We had become bolder in our dreams (the dream of becoming a Don didn’t materialize though!). We started looking at the life’s bigger picture. We were no longer silly girls from school. We noticed boys and we followed them on our Kinetic. We learned to whistle and we learned that all roads in Udaipur lead to Fatehsagar. We learned to bunk college but we learned to study in one month’s prep leaves. We celebrated birthdays, friendship days, Valentine’s Day and each day that we lived together. We learned that having fun with boys is not wrong anymore and we found some very good friends in those days. Our laughter became famous in NIIT and we were known as laughing cousins. We together looked at the Udaipur city from the top of Nimachmata and saw sun rise in the horizon. We learned that it’s not necessary to have money to have fun. From being children we grew up together to become girls. But then life had other things stored in for us…I moved to Mumbai and she stayed back in Udaipur.

I realized that I was crying. My tear in the window looked like a rain drop slipping on the window pane without a support to hold on to. The parting was very hard…on both of us. But we both knew that its best for both of us. We saw a lot of ups and down in our life when we were apart. We used to wait and count days to meet each other and when we met, we wanted to share everything in that short period of time. We gave each other shoulders to cry on and held hands while laughing. We celebrated her getting a gold medal and we partied when I got my first job. We celebrated our success and we shared our first stumbling block in our career. We always found comfort, love and support in each other.

I drew a deep breathe and calmed myself down. Went back to the day when the door bell rang of my house. There was letter for me. A white envelope with golden designs was handed over to me. I saw a very familiar writing. My happiness knew no boundary when I took the wedding invitation of my dearest sister Shalini in my hand. Another phase in her life would be starting soon. The hug when I finally met her before her wedding lasted for long and I didn’t want to leave not knowing when I will get to hug her again. When her hands were designed beautifully with mehndi, looking at her I couldn’t believe that how far the life has brought us together. Her room reminded me of the best moments of life that we shared their together. The garden in front of her house reminded me of the songs that we had sung together when the lights went off in the night. The sound of her laughter reminded me of the days when we couldn’t breather because we couldn’t stop laughing. Her nervous laugh told me that a lot of things have changed. When the music played on her ladies sangeet, I danced with all my heart. When I saw her sitting in her bridal clothes I felt like pinching myself. When Dharam and Shalini we proclaimed to be man and wife, I realized how beautiful she looked being a woman. She was no longer a girl I knew and I realized that all that is past, a part which I will cherish all my life. Life is no longer same…we have moved on…yet again. When she sat in the car to go away I couldn’t bring myself to cry in front of her and I hide myself behind everyone to see her go. I wish I could have hugged her again before she went away but then I wouldn’t have let go of her. I saw a part of me going away with her and I only wish her best in life…hoping that some day my past will meet with my present, with her in it again…

Fifth Goodbye

2 degree temperature outside, winter rains, designs on the inside of the cars window pane against the fog, water droplets on the outside slipping down to the rim, a reunion with friends, a very long hug, tears in the eyes to say how much we missed each other , laughing and catching up with friends in TGIF, fighting over who pays the bill, hogging like there is no weighing machine, prayer inside the heart to stop the rains, morning fog, cold winds, a hot cup of coffee in Costa Coffee with a friend, looking at the capital city from the roof top of the India’s best institute IIT and watching the sun go down, looking down at students who would tomorrow list in the most powerful people in world laughing together, never ending conversations, crisp fresh cold air filling the lungs, shopping in the narrow lanes of Lajpat Nagar like mad then searching for an ATM to fill our pockets again, preparing for dance till late in the night and then getting up early with half sleepy eyes, never ending celebrations, never ending energy to get ready, never ending smiles on the faces of all who were there to celebrate, a broken sandal and a big favor from a friend who took me to shoppers stop on a short notice to get a brand new one, a big family huddled in a room in the night popping champagne and enjoying the last days with the bride and a goodbye to Aarti with prayer in heart to keep her happy in her new life.

These are some of the moments that I have captured in my heart like black and white snaps capture the silent moments of life. Each of these moments I wished I could hold on to a little longer. I was with her and her family for 4 days and I fell in love with her family as if it was my own. I feel in love with Delhi even though it was wet and cold. I feel in love with life again because no matter how cold n hard it becomes, it’s still beautiful.

Arti weds Anuj. Marriages make us realize how important family is in our lives, marriages makes us realize how important it is to move on in life. The smile on Aarti’s face told me how much she loves Anuj. A single look of Anuj towards Aarti said how eager he was to own her. The sound of laughter said how happy the family was. When I hugged Aarti to say goodbye, I didn’t want to let her go. I just wanted to hold on little longer. Well, Anuj on the other side didn’t look like he could wait any longer. That makes it fifth wedding of our group. A fifth goodbye and I still haven’t learned to control my tears while saying the last goodbye.

A visit to an Orphanage

I have been having busy days…some would say “for a change” and I would not deny it. Work is peaceful n I am happy that ways…well who wouldn’t be. Yesterday, 23rd Jan 2007 was a hard day too. During later part of the evening we were reminded that we are visiting a local orphanage managed by mother Teresa organization. Everybody had to meet at Vile Parle station at 10:30. That means I would have to leave my home by 9 if I plan to catch a bus and by 9:30 if I decide to go by train. That meant I had to get up early. Not a very exciting idea if I get to sleep post 12 in the night. Still, I set up the alarm n went to sleep.

At 7 my alarm rang and I grumbled n turned n switched it off deciding to sleep for another 5 mins n then get up and get ready for the visit. I ended up sleeping for nearly 2 hours n I got up when my maid rang the bell. Looking at the watch I realized I was too late to go now, I let my maid in and went to sleep again. I couldn’t sleep. I had made a promise and I better keep up. I rushed from one activity to another, nearly colliding with my maid while brushing my teeth then rushing to have bath, getting dressed, drinking a mug full of milk (yeah its necessary to finish that milk in our house) , combing my hair with Rashmi’s comb coz I cant find my comb which is right in front of me while munching on fruit which was cut by Sonali in the morning( God bless her!!) , I finally managed to reach Vidhya Vihar station by 9:30 only to see a line long enough to give a heart attack to strongest of heart! I decided to cross over to the other side and buy the ticket from there. Luckily, I didn’t find any line over there. Don’t ask me why. I have only one answer…its Mumbai! Finally, with the prized ticket tucked inside my pocket, I got ready for another fight. Traveling in Mumbai train in morning towards Dadar! Those who are not aware of Mumbai local crowd scene…just keep one thing in mine…it takes nerves of Titanium to travel in peak time in Mumbai local. I reached platform all ready to fight n get in. I cursed myself for getting up late n missing out the option of bus. The train which came on the platform was nearly empty. I just couldn’t believe my luck. I just kept staring at the empty train out of shock. Suddenly, a push from lady all eager to get inside the train made me realize that if I will keep staring at this train…I’ll probably end up cursing myself all my life. I jumped inside the train, got a seat, plugged my ipod into my ears n started the journey to the lesser known.

The music had cut me from the outside noise and I wondered off into my own world. I was little scared to meet kids as I not a very good with kids. Will they accept me? Will they play with me? Such questions kept floating inside my mind. I got down at Dadar, went to the western line n climbed into another train for Vile Parle. Will the kids cry when they would look at me? Am I dressed properly to meet kids? I reached my destination after traveling for nearly an hour. I was joined by Hakim (pheww…I had someone along with me) at the station and we together walked towards the meeting point that we had decided. There I met Abhilasha and Seema. In few minutes we were joined by Ankur, Savio Gomes, Savina, Lokesh and Savio DeSouza.

The moment I entered the campus, the whole environment changed. The air was peaceful as if not to disturb little kids. There was pin drop silence which reminded me of my school as a kid. The moment I entered, I felt something missing. Where are the kids? We were showed to a room where the infants were being fed their breakfast. Kids were picked up, their clothes were changed, and they were fed a spoon at a time with boiled rice and dal and placed back careful in the pram. None of the kids were more than a year old. These kids were left mercilessly by their parents on streets of Mumbai. Some were left behind because they were girls and some because they were pre mature and some because they suffered from some terminal disease. I think only a human parent can think of abandoning their child because it’s of no use to them, no other mammal does that. Some where sleeping peacefully and some of them were hyper active attracting everyone’s attention. I tried to pick one in my arms and suddenly a maid taking care of another kid scolded me – “Don’t do that. Keep back the kid. You are not supposed to pick up kids”. I felt embarrassed of not being aware of such a simple thing. They don’t want the kids to get attached to you.

We went to another room, where some older kids were being fed breakfast. Felt like a kinder garden class where my mom used to teach. Only difference is these kids don’t have parents who are waiting for them outside the door of the room. A kid came and clinched to me and I didn’t know what to do. I saw both the Savio playing with kids, running around and talking to them as if these kids were their best buddies. I bent down to see if the kid clinching on to me wanted something from me. He looked at me and hugged me tight and suddenly it became hard for me to control my tears. It was then I realized that these kids ask for nothing but just a human touch. They have might have second hand clothes to cover their bodies and food to fill up their stomach but who would fill up they emotional hunger? By hugging that kid back, I gave a minute of happiness to someone. He might not remember me but I will always remember those big clear eyes and his smile. I felt my fear of kids melting away. I saw smiling faces all around me and my face lit up too. I didn’t give chocolates or toys to these kids but by just being there and playing with them…I never knew it was so easy to spread happiness.

I suddenly felt so lucky to be a part of the world where I know who my parents are. I am lucky that my parents didn’t abandon me for being a girl. I am lucky my parents gave me same opportunity as they would have given to a boy child. I am lucky because I was given whatever I desired in life by my parents. I guess I always took my parents for granted! I hope I am not too late in saying this – I am really thankful to you mom and dad for all that you did for me. I know I have not been a perfect daughter but today I realized what a BIG fool I was. Love you Mom & Dad…