Friday, December 08, 2017

RUN!!!

“What are we waiting for Ashish? Let’s head back.”

“Mommy what happened? Is there a big fire?” Ria asked.

Anya pulled my hands, “Mommy, let’s go! I am very scared”.

“Ok, Ok. Let’s go. I just wanted to check the news if there is any mention of this attack. Let me just call Shalini and let her know we are coming back”, Ashish said to me.

Just as he looked at the phone, I saw a huge crowd running towards us. I saw people throwing their shopping bags, their phones and shouted … “RUNNNN!!! Run!!!” 

It felt like a huge Tsumani wave that is rushing towards you and the time just froze. I saw a guy fall down, with his belongings on the road. He got up, didn’t even think to collect what spread on the road and started running. I saw confused looks on faces of others. Slowly, my brain started processing everything around me and I came back to life. I didn’t even blink or see anything else. I just held on to Anya tight and Ran.

“Mommy, I do not want to die! What is going on?” Anya screamed and started crying. I tried to wipe her tears, as tears starting gushing out of my own eyes. This is not how it’s supposed to end!

“Nothing will ever happen to you, just hold mommy’s hand tight”. All this while I was scared to turn around, what if the shooter is right behind me. I felt a chill run down my back and I just wanted to wake up from this bad dream!

Gosh! Where are Ashish & Ria! I had to look back, I forced myself to look back praying that I don’t find myself at the end of a gun. Then I saw Ashish running with Ria in his arms and pointing to a small alley.

It was the weekend before Thanksgiving. We were talking about where we could go for long weekend. London seemed a good option and it seems we could get seats easily. Also, the added attraction, my cousin Shalini, whom I had not met for years. There were years where we would talk to each other on phone atleast 3 times a day besides the time we would walk together to school or meet at our favorite place Fateh-Sagar. We would laugh more than we talked and people claimed they knew we were coming from our laughter! The years we spent together, would never come back but the memories that we had built together will never fade.

So, it was decided…London it was! We packed four carry-on bags and set on a journey across the pond. I had always wanted to visit London, since the time I read Agatha Christie or Jane Eyre or Wuthering Heights. I always imagined what London would look like, the old smoky city with Mary Poppins flying over the sky. Or will it look like the city Sherlock Holmes roamed around with big magnifying glass. Or maybe I’d get to see muggles mixing with wizards flying on brooms! I couldn’t contain my excitement when we landed in London. As I walked out of the airport with my kids besides me, I could hardly contain my excitement. I had a feeling it would be a great trip.

We made through the long ride in Tube to Shalini’s house. She was there, waiting at the door and pepping out with her usually bright sunny smile. The time just froze. All the memories came flooding back. The hug lasted for hours and tears won’t stop. It took us 8 yrs to finally meet and we didn’t want to let go. I couldn’t believe it, we were here. We caught up on our past years, laughed on old memories and its special when its not just you and your sister but your husband joins too. After all we were part of one KANVAS.

We spent the first day visiting Sky Garden, Tower Bridge and Tower of London. Couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw Kohinoor and thought it looked incredibly small. Kids went around in every room hoping to see the queen! I marveled at the architecture, going from one room to another, wondering how it would have looked during the days when the queens and kings were real. I stood longer in front of the pictures which showed the London 100-200 yrs back and it was hard to imagine that such a London was real. Now it’s like any other city with tall glass buildings merging into one another.

Next day, Shalini promised she will meet us at Oxford Circus to go out with kids. Her daughter was the first cousin my kids met. They jelled in perfectly fine giving us the glimpses of our childhood together. The constant giggling, chatting and playing, I wonder where they got it from! Morning was dedicated to the Queen…we went to see Buckingham palace to see change of guard. We were late, and there was a massive crowd. We plopped kids on our shoulders and tried to get as much as we could of the show. Among all this, Anya shouts – “Does the Queen know, she is missing a good show!” Everyone around us laughed.

From there we walked through Hyde Park enjoying the lovely fall weather. Kids made snow fairies in the fallen leaves, we had our warm coffee in our hand, which tasted amazing and I thought to myself, this couldn’t have been more perfect! Ashish and I held hands while kids walked in front of us. We walked to various attractions - 10 Downing Street, Westminster abbey, Big Ben (getting a face lift) and clicking pictures with the iconic Telephone with tinny little crown on it. Kids loved every bit of it, taking as much as they could. Finally hungry we decided to go to Nandos near 221b Baker Street. This was a dream come true. I was smiling ear to ear clicking picture on the street. God only knows how many Sherlock Homes novels were read comfortably snuggled into bed.

Like mom wanted to visit Sherlock Holmes, girls wanted to ride in iconic London buses. They were so excited to sit on the upper level of the bus, something we could relate to since we both lived in Mumbai. We made ourselves comfortable in a near empty bus and called Shalini that we are on our way. Shalini mentioned she was running late and would join us soon as possible. From far we saw the big angles hanging in the sky near and the beautiful Christmas lightings. Slowly, bus stopped moving and came to a halt. We were wondering what is going on and heard multiple sirens going on. Then a guy with small kid looking scared walked to our bus and said, you better get down. Something has happened at Oxford Circus station and the police have blocked the area.

We got down and started to walk towards the station trying to understand what is going on. We saw few reporters infront of BBC building talking to people with their cameras ready and talking to anyone who wanted to give a story. Another lady stopped us and said to turn around and leave because there has been a blast. The mention of it made me panic. Anya understood everything and got nervous tugging my hands and asking us to go back to Shalini Masi’s house. As we walked closer to the station, the panic in the air grew. Kids got nervous and we were not sure what is going on.

“What are we waiting for Ashish? Let’s head back.”

“Mommy what happened? Is there a big fire?” Ria asked.

Anya pulled my hands, “Mommy, let’s go! I am very scared”.

“Ok, Ok. Let’s go. I just wanted to check the news if there is any mention of this attack. Let me just call Shalini and let her know we are coming back”, Ashish said to me.

Just as he looked at the phone, I saw a huge crowd running towards us. I saw people throwing their shopping bags, their phones and shouted … “RUNNNN!!! Run!!!” 

It felt like a huge Tsumani wave that is rushing towards you and the time just froze. I saw a guy fall down, with his belongings on the road. He got up, didn’t even think to collect what spread on the road and started running. I saw confused looks on faces of others. Slowly, my brain started processing everything around me and I came back to life. I didn’t even blink or see anything else. I just held on to Anya tight and Ran.

“Mommy, I do not want to die! What is going on?” Anya screamed and started crying. I tried to wipe her tears, as tears starting gushing out of my own eyes. This is not how it’s supposed to end!

“Nothing will ever happen to you, just hold mommy’s hand tight”. All this while I was scared to turn around, what if the shooter is right behind me. I felt a chill run down my back and I just wanted to wake up from this bad dream!

Gosh! Where are Ashish and Ria! I had to look back, I forced myself to look back praying that I don’t find myself at the end of a gun. Then I saw Ashish running with Ria in his arms and pointing to a small alley. I made a dash for it! We found a back entrance to a bank and quickly went in. As soon as we got in someone locked the door behind us. I saw around 50 people on the stairs leading up to the upper level. Some were crying and some were just dazed. I didn’t know how many of them actually saw the event happening and how many just like us were running from the unknown. I saw a woman looking out of the window and instantly I thought, what if the shooter breaks into this little shelter, that window would be a good escape! We didn’t know was going outside. We tried looking up on phone, but the news channels didn’t have any updates. We called up Shalini and she said the same. No one knows what happened and there are no details on the news.

Sitting there on the stairs, trying to calm Anya and Ria, I still couldn’t believe this happened to us. This is something you listen on the news, not become a part of the news. I didn’t even want to think of how this will impact them. Where is the world going? I just couldn’t stop hugging them, fearing the worse. This is the new reality, hiding in stair cases, students being taught to save themselves during active shooting or running away! I thought we had left the middle ages behind. For the first time I knew what fear looks like, for I looked at in those innocent eyes holding my hands tightly. I looked at the fear in the eyes of my babies. As a mother, it ripped my heart out!

After 30 mins, we saw people walking outside. We just couldn’t sit here all night long and found the courage to step out. As I stepped out, I looked on the side to see the road we just came from! It felt weird and I just turned away to walk in the opposite direction. With Anya by my side, Ashish in front with Ria, we decided to move on. Now, I understood the full meaning of saying if you get scared you let them win! We went on to enjoy rest of our trip. I met my fabulous friends from St. Mary’s (Sonal, Sanchita and Deepali), from Mumbai (Prashant and Swati), went to Windsor Castle and made it to platform 9 ¾ on Kings Cross! On our way back to US, seeing Anya and Ria enjoying Captain Underpants in the plane I knew we would be OK!

Friday, December 01, 2017

Two Men and a Taco (A Fiction)

It was a cold rainy day and waiting for the train made it horrible with every passing second. We all huddled together, looking for warmth and protection. I see the train slowly approaching the station. It looks like a young and beautiful girl approaching a group of people looking at her and she knows that they all are waiting for her. She moves slowly, swinging side to side, teasing. As she gets closer there is new excitement in the group knowing that finally when it arrives, there is a better place waiting for you!

I take my seat next to window. My big novel is finally over and I have nothing to occupy my thoughts and they run wild. I look outside the window trying to concentrate of what’s going on yet nothing excites me. There is nothing in this cold weather. The trees are bare, there is no activity, and it’s all brown. Then on one of the train stops, something bright catches my eyes. It looks like someone is renovating an old building. It’s being painted bright orange and yellow. I smile looking at it, thinking what they could be building next to a station with such bright colors. It did break my mood and I was thankful for it. I kept thinking about it all the way to work. Maybe it’s a kids play area, or maybe a restaurant or maybe a bar. I could feel the excitement of starting a new place, the dreams that it might hold for them. Maybe they took all their savings out on making this work. Living alone has its side effects, all you can think of is how you can be around people more.

Next few days I watched as the work progressed on. For the few seconds when the train stopped I tried to make out how much progress is being made. One day I watched as they put their sign up. Finally I know it’s a Mexican restaurant – Two Men and a Taco! What a weird name! So I know there are two men who are involved in the project. Must be brothers, Mexican brothers for sure. Maybe the whole family is involved in the business. The wives will work to make sure food is good and the guys will handle the bar and guests. I start thinking about the food. The smell of warm tacos, the rich aroma of chicken being cooked in spices. Even the simple bean and rice tastes so good. Reminds me of our own Indian version called Rajma-Chawal.  Of course, to wash down all this good food, one would need a big jar of margarita. I wonder if they will end up Americanizing the food or will it be authentic. My love for Mexican food started with my solo trip there in the beginning of this year. I remember inhaling the food over there. The fruits and the food, the spices everything was so amazing! The sudden jerk of train’s movement and I am back staring at this bright colorful place.

As days pass, the restaurant starts to take shape. One day the furniture got delivered and I could see they have decided to go bold with the furniture too. I saw a guy in plain jeans and oversize coat talking to a guy next to the truck in an animated way. He was all red and was clearly upset. I wonder why? Maybe a chair or a table was broken. As the train start to leave the station, I turn around and tried to see as much as I could to get a hang of what happened. Oh well, I won’t know. However, that doesn’t stop me from thinking about it. I wonder how they will decorate the restaurant. Maybe they will keep it simple or maybe they will go overboard and put everything closely related to Mexican in it. They might have live music too! It would be such a fun place to go. Maybe I can stop here on my way home someday. Maybe I’ll get to talk to the owner who was nearly going red about the furniture story. What explanation would I have to remember such a thing!

Two Men and a Taco became my new obsession. I felt like I own that place, atleast mentally. In the morning and evening I look at all the new development happening and back home my dog, Gogo, gets a run-down of the days event. I am sure even he wants Mexican dog food now. I tell Gogo, they have put up a sign of – Now Hiring. Maybe I should look for a job over there. I could become a part of their family and they might let me run the place too! Gogo looks at me as if it’s not him but I who is dreaming with eyes open. I wonder, why did I become so attach to this place? Is it because I need to feel a place to belong. Living alone was my choice, then why do I feel so empty. My friends keep trying to hook me with some strangers all the time. I couldn’t find someone with the same passion for food and seeing new places, so I just resigned myself to four walls of my apartment. I walk the whole apartment in 20 quick steps with Gogo right behind me. Maybe he thinks we are going out for a walk. Instead all I am doing is measuring my world!

Finally the big day came with a huge banner flapping “Opening Night today” and my heart skipped a beat. One part of me was super excited, felt I build this place up from ground up and another part of me was sad, I won’t have anything to look forward to. The whole day I kept thinking whether it would be successfully opening or will they be disappointed. Will they have a line in front of their restaurant or will they have to drag people in. On the way back from work, I had this nervous feeling as if I am going to get the results for my exams. As the train slowly approached the station, I saw few people outside. Nothing crazy as I imagined, maybe I am watching too many episodes of Restaurant: Revamp on food channel! As the train came to stop, I don’t know what took over me. I quickly grab my bag and dashed for the door and as the train slowly started to move out of the station I felt stupid. Well, now that I am here, I might as well get my margarita. As I walked towards the restaurant I heard loud music, it was catchy. I saw few people staring at me as I walked towards the restaurant and opened the door. Once inside I felt as if I was home. The walls looked so familiar, the furniture is laid out the same way I thought it would be. The music was nice and even though it wasn’t too crowded, there were enough number of people in it. I felt relaxed and was already walking towards the door when I heard this huge voice calling me–

“What…You can’t leave without having a drink on the first night of this restaurant or did the competition from across the street send you to spy on me?”

I jumped like a scared cat and turned around to see who it was. It was the same guy who was standing outside when the furniture was getting delivered.

“Huh! Hmmm…no. I just came to see…”

I just couldn’t finish the sentence. He didn’t look as red as I thought he looked the other day. He had a warm smile on his face telling me he was kidding. He sleeves were rolled up and he looked relaxed. The dark black hair, danced over his eyes. I could hear my heart beating way faster than I am used to.

This time with more confidence, I replied “Hey, I am Avantika. I wanted to check your new place out.”

“Ohh Welcome but why leave so quickly then! My name is Mike. Do you like Mexican food or a big bowl of Margarita? For a beautiful lady like you, it’s on house”

“Haha! Sure, I hope your partner doesn’t mind?”

“Partner, there is no partner. If you are referring to the name of the restaurant. I just thought it would be weird enough to get people in!”

And he laughed out loud, an infectious laugh that spread into me like a current running through the wires and I couldn’t stop myself and laughed with him. He stepped behind the bar and served the best margarita I had in a while.

He started to tell his story about how he likes trying different cuisines, travelling the world and learning to cook. It was his dream to open a restaurant while he could as he didn’t have any attachments yet. As I sat and listened to him, it felt like I knew him, from some other time. I felt like our worlds collided today for a reason. I looked into his warm eyes and felt like I was floating away. Then he did something which made my heart skip a beat…he held me with his eyes and smiled back!

Saturday, November 11, 2017

A fog

There is a strange comfort and stillness in the constant rhythm of the train. My hand presses against the hard cover of the book that I want to read. Looking outside the window I realize the scene outside changes constantly running from one city to another, yet my world inside the train remains the same each day. The seasons changed from lush green summer, to bright and beautiful orange of fall to now this white sheet of snow marking the onset of winters. The faces I see each morning are the same, just more layers to keep us warm. I do not have to fight to get inside the train. I remember Mumbai where getting inside the train is an art in itself. There are no gender related compartments. People very politely give way yet there is no eye contact or acknowledgement of your presence. Everyone carries their own world with them, yet we all merge so comfortably every morning like a perfect jigsaw puzzle.

I hear people talking about their kids, their challenges with their job or even make plans to meet for lunch and yet it’s very still and quiet inside the train. I remember a blog I wrote couple of years back, where I saw two friends who were speaking through sign language and how soothing it was at that time against the noise of Mumbai train. Now, sitting in this train even with everyone talking, I miss that constant commotion. Kids singing the latest Bollywood songs, women selling vegetables, fruits, flowers and even clothes. Here, you are all alone, in your own world.

Slowly the train moves to the last stop, Chicago down town, train conductor shouts the same thing – Go make some money. Amazingly everyone laughs, every day. Everyone forms a neat queue and quietly gets down giving nods to the people you know and slowly as our worlds merged we go quietly go our own way. Coming out of the station the fresh air of Chicago down town, the river and lake hits my face. I take as much as I can inside my lungs and close my eyes for a second.

That one second I am transported to a different time when the wind used to dance in my hair. Once you get used to the constant commotion, the smell of dried fish right under your nose and people sticking to you like your second skin, you mathematically plan your move close to the door of the train and the fresh air hits your face and you close your eyes for a second. In that one second you can make out which station is approaching - fresh Parle-G cookies being baked in a factory, the passing of Mithi River near Mahim or of an approaching monsoon!

I open my eyes and I am brought back as the bitter cold wind wraps around me. I look around at sea of people they engulf me and urge me to move forward. You don’t have to remember where you are going. Like a huge wave in the sea, this sea of people guides you just like it used in Mumbai. It is amazing how my life is from 12 years ago when I was in Mumbai and now in Chicago, they collide yet remain the same.

While Mumbai provided the comfort for a young girl who was just outside of college ready to take on the world, Chicago provides the exciting new journey for a mother and wife eager to begin the day so she could head back home to the warmth of being with family. Mumbai was hot and humid, Chicago is cold and surprisingly fresh. Mumbai provided a dream which I am living today engulfing me in a constant fog created by the warmth of memories from past and fresh new beginning of present.