Can’t believe it’s already winters in Chicago. It seems like yesterday when I landed in a snow covered Chicago and now already the evenings are getting shorter and mornings are getting colder. Getting out of bed takes a lot of afford. Today morning while aimlessly walking around the house, putting things on their place with robotic movements, I looked outside and saw a clear blue sky, leaves falling down in a spiral motion as if delaying the fall for as long as possible. I opened our patio window and step out from the warm comfort of my home into the windy cold weather…and as soon as I did that the cold air filled my lungs and I wrapped my arms around myself.
Standing there all by myself… I could suddenly smell the cold, crisp air of Udaipur. The old, white gate opened and I screamed “SPIKKYYYYY” and my dog comes running outside, welcoming me to a place where I belong. He is all over me, licking all my face and to balance myself I have to sit down which is a big mistake because now he doesn’t want to leave me. My sister, binnu comes out to control spiky and manages to free me from his loving doggie-hug! Then comes a loving hug from binnu, a teary hug from my mom, a side hug from my father, big arm hug from my brother, a long lost hug from a sister whom I am meeting after a long time and a pat on my head from chacha….I am home.
The moment I step in I could smell the delicious sweetness of jalebis, the spicy kachoris and dhokle and my stomach starts grumbling from the anticipation of what’s coming! The moment I lay my plate with all the goodies, spiky takes his favorite place, on my feet to beg for all that we are eating!!! Sometimes I wonder if it would be a good idea to place a plate for him on the table! Atleast we could have our own share without feeling guilty of eating without giving him anything. Attacking the breakfast table I gather all the news of what’s happening in Udaipur. Everyone seems to be either doing great or good or bad…the usual.
All the relatives will be landing in Udaipur for Diwali soon… there are going to be loads of parties, good food, loads of dancing and loads of fun. Nothing out of usual but then this usual makes me feel at home. Seems the time never moves ahead in Udaipur but then for me the time flies. Binny and I get down to our annual routine of doing rangoli at our house on the day of Diwali. Binny is usually super excited and I am super lazy. She coxes me to think about which design, what colors and we end up digging our grandmother’s treasure from previous Diwali and take out our colors, designs and some crackles left from previous festival. My brother, Vaibhav, gets excited and starts burning the crackles early. Spiky, our super-dog, comes running from inside all set to attack the source of noise and I look at them laughing, enjoying the madness and happiness this festival brings. The rangoli takes whole day to finish but satisfied that we did a good job; we call everyone from inside and gather the obvious praises!
Now comes the most important part…what to wear in the evening. I decide on saree from my mom’s treasure and binny decides a lehnga from her treasure! My mom puts on her half glass and starts to fix her blouse for my size and while she is doing this I and binny lie on her lap. We discuss everything from my life, binny’s life and life in Udaipur. That is the happiest moment in my life. Makes me want to never grow up! But someone really gets jealous…suddenly jumps on the bed and makes his presence felt, rubbing his nose on mom’s hand and barks to let everyone know… I am the one who has the right to all the love and attention…mom just smiles and pats on spiky’s head! Jealous dog!
Papa comes in from a day full of shopping for dry fruits, sweets, kaju katlis and most of all loads of pujas at his different office locations! He takes a pillow, rests his head on the bed rest and before we know, his snoring fills the room like fragrance from an incense stick! Binny and I hug papa and wake him up from his deep slumber! He doesn’t get irritated but just smiles and rolls back to his beauty sleep. We let him rest…he is our pandit for the day!
Atlast we get ready for the puja and there is no puja without the chaos! Chacha and papa dressed in kurta pajam set the place for puja. Vaibhav does the setting of things in place around puja place, I and Binny light the diyas and mummy places them outside. The puja starts and with everyone even spiky takes his place. The commotion continues during puja…do this, no don’t do this right now…where is the lacha, where are the silver coins…chacha says the Sanskrit shlokes while papa and mummy performs the puja. As soon as puja is over, I and binny rush inside to change in more comfortable clothes to burn the crackles. Outside the air is cold and filled with the smell of burning crackles.
A “Hello” from a person passing in front our house, brings me back to Chicago. Standing there in cold, shivering…I went to Udaipur and came back. Suddenly Udaipur feels so far and unreachable. In the cold, dry air of Chicago, I could smell the air of Udaipur. I am missing home… even though I am at home…
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
The gold at the end of rainbow...
Few days back, while driving around Ashish and I saw a beautiful rainbow which we managed to capture on our camera. Those beautiful colors splashed across the sky brought back something old which I read somewhere...You will find gold where the rainbow ends. I remember, I read this saying when I was very young in a children's story book. It got stuck with me since then.
When I was young I used to believe that there is really gold to be found. Whenever I used to look at a rainbow, I always wanted to know where it ended. I used to think, if I find that gold, all the troubles would end. I would have enough money so that my dad won't have to work so hard, so that I could have whatever I wanted without thinking twice, I could go on big vacations with my family, own lot of dogs...and then I went to geography class. It was in those dry lectures that I realized that its impossible for me to know where the rainbow ends. Hence, the dream to own that gold was shattered. I never understood the true meaning of this saying.
After so many years when I saw that rainbow in the cloudy sky of Chicago, I realized that the gold is not the gold of this materialistic world. The gold signifies the ultimate happiness. The happiness that we keep pursuing. Then we are alone, we always dream to fall in love, when we fall in love we always dream of getting married to that person and spending our whole life with that person. Once married, we are looking forward to kids; we struggle to keep our parents happy, struggle to keep our kids happy, struggle to keep ourselves happy. The different colors of life, the different moods of life, and different kind of people we meet...they all get lost in a stupid journey to get that ideal world where no one is unhappy. Aren't we making ourselves unhappy in pursuit to keep everyone happy? We are pursuing that gold which we will never find. In that journey to find that gold we forget the beautiful path we are on.
There is no "happily ever after", there is no ideal world...there is no gold. The only thing that remains is rainbow...and so many times we forget to enjoy this beautiful mix of colors, in search of the nonexistent gold. Have we ever stopped ourselves to say...look how beautiful my life is without the mad rush for the ideal happiness. Have we ever stopped to look at the greens of the earth, the blues of the sky and violets, Indigos, Blues, Greens, Yellows, Oranges and Reds of a rainbow...
When I was young I used to believe that there is really gold to be found. Whenever I used to look at a rainbow, I always wanted to know where it ended. I used to think, if I find that gold, all the troubles would end. I would have enough money so that my dad won't have to work so hard, so that I could have whatever I wanted without thinking twice, I could go on big vacations with my family, own lot of dogs...and then I went to geography class. It was in those dry lectures that I realized that its impossible for me to know where the rainbow ends. Hence, the dream to own that gold was shattered. I never understood the true meaning of this saying.
After so many years when I saw that rainbow in the cloudy sky of Chicago, I realized that the gold is not the gold of this materialistic world. The gold signifies the ultimate happiness. The happiness that we keep pursuing. Then we are alone, we always dream to fall in love, when we fall in love we always dream of getting married to that person and spending our whole life with that person. Once married, we are looking forward to kids; we struggle to keep our parents happy, struggle to keep our kids happy, struggle to keep ourselves happy. The different colors of life, the different moods of life, and different kind of people we meet...they all get lost in a stupid journey to get that ideal world where no one is unhappy. Aren't we making ourselves unhappy in pursuit to keep everyone happy? We are pursuing that gold which we will never find. In that journey to find that gold we forget the beautiful path we are on.
There is no "happily ever after", there is no ideal world...there is no gold. The only thing that remains is rainbow...and so many times we forget to enjoy this beautiful mix of colors, in search of the nonexistent gold. Have we ever stopped ourselves to say...look how beautiful my life is without the mad rush for the ideal happiness. Have we ever stopped to look at the greens of the earth, the blues of the sky and violets, Indigos, Blues, Greens, Yellows, Oranges and Reds of a rainbow...
Thursday, April 03, 2008
From Mumbai to Chicago....
I felt the cold winds of Chicago blow into my face, while I sat in my car. It’s been two weeks since I have landed in here. I am still getting used to the idea that it can be cold in middle of March. Back in India, at this time we are already celebrating the onset of summers!! The air is crisp and cold, unlike in Mumbai where you feel you are breathing only water because of high humidity.
Up in the sky, far away I saw a plane flying cutting through the beautiful colors of the evening. Two weeks back, I was probably in that plane...waiting to fly into the arms of my husband, Ashish. The wait to reach him was long. After all we were separated by seven seas and Indian immigration people!!!!
"So, why are you flying to USA?" the immigration officer in India asked me.
"My husband is working there." I replied.
"So?", he said.
I was little taken aback at that moment. How do I reply to this "So!"? I could think of various answers and it made me smile. I didn’t know whether it was joke or that man was actually asking me this question.
"To join my husband", I said with a smile on my face.
The way that officer looked at me, I immediately knew that it’s going to be a long night. That funny question was actually a serious one!
"Show me your papers." he said.
I took out my marriage certificate and other forms to tell that my husband is legally in the golden country and I am just a wife waiting to join my husband. He looked at the photocopy of my husband’s passport.
"How did you get this photocopy of his passport?", he said.
"He gave it to me before he went", I replied. I was not sure why he was asking me this.
"How can this possible? This already has an immigration stamp on it. Do you want to tell me that he got it stamped here and then came out to give you the photocopy?” he said it with a scowl on his face.
I was lost. What was this man trying to say? I was totally confused and for a moment I felt the floor beneath my feet slip away!
"Well, my husband left on 9th Feb 2008. The stamp you see is of May, 2006. He came back to India on Nov, 2006. We got married and he left before me. I am on my way to be with him". I told him and this time I definitely didn’t smile!
"Show me your marriage certificate", he said.
I pulled out the marriage certificate given to me by the government of India. I thought this will shut him up.
"This is not valid!” he said without even looking up.
I simply lost control of what’s happening. How can a marriage certificate with the stamp of valid government seal be invalid!
"This is a district certificate. It’s from Udaipur. How is that possible?” he said again.
Is this guy really talking to me or am I an invisible element listening to the conversation of some other people.
"Well, I got married in Udaipur and hence the certificate from there. I have also got a letter from my husband's company.”I told him. I was desperately trying to convince this man that I am not a fake person!
I pulled out a letter from my husband’s company which stated that I am on my way to join my husband.
How did you get this?", he asked. Oh god! I hope he is not one crazy fan of Sherlock Homes.
"Well, the company posted it to me", I told him.
"Did it come in an envelope?", he asked.
"Yes.", I told him.
I couldn’t help but frown as I didn’t know what he was getting to.
"Why doesn’t it have folds to indicate it came in an envelope?", he said with such an authority that I couldn’t believe my ears!!
These are the people the government of India has hired to see that only eligible people go to the other countries! The most important question this guy here could ask me was why the letter doesn’t have folds!
"Well, it came in a big envelope so that the paper doesn’t need to be folded!", I told him. This time my voice was barely audible. I was afraid whether it was a trick question or a real question.
He gave me a look which said, don’t act smart lady as I have the power to let you go or not. At this point I panicked. What did I do wrong, probably smiled at his stupid question. This guy can actually refuse to let me go while terrorists get in airplanes and have managed to hijack it fly it across the buildings.
"Stand on the side", he said like a teacher tells a student to punish.
I didn’t know what it meant. I went cold. Does it mean that he is actually not letting me go...this can’t be true? I got a valid VISA from the United State of Government. They had checked all my documents. Can this guy actually refuse to let me go?
He gave my papers to some other guy. Must be a senior from the way he held his head up and moved around. I was surrounded by strangers whom I had never seen them in my life before and I am sure I won’t ever meet them again. Yet, somehow they had the power to alter my future!
"Show me your marriage certificate", the senior officer told me.
I pulled out my marriage certificate again. I also added the letter from my husband's company incase even he also has any doubt. He just gave one look at it and gave it back to the immigration officer who was handling my case. He just nodded and went away. I kept standing there not knowing what would happen next!
The officer stamped my visa and gave it back to me with such an air of importance. I could not believe that it all happened to me. I was in such a shock; I didn’t know how to react. What did actually go wrong? If everything was right, why was I stopped in the first place? I walked to the gate like a zombie! Maybe it was just a dream. I pinched myself and realized painfully that it was not!
Thankfully, the rest of my journey went peacefully. When I stood in front of the immigration at ORD, she just asked me three questions -
"Why are you here?"
"Which company does your husband work for?"
"How long do you plan to live here?"
After which she said - "Have a pleasant stay in USA. Hope you have a wonderful time here".
A strange country is ready to take me in and people of my own country had problems without any reasons. The most intelligent question they could afford to ask me was why the paper doesn’t have folds if it came in envelope!
Up in the sky, far away I saw a plane flying cutting through the beautiful colors of the evening. Two weeks back, I was probably in that plane...waiting to fly into the arms of my husband, Ashish. The wait to reach him was long. After all we were separated by seven seas and Indian immigration people!!!!
"So, why are you flying to USA?" the immigration officer in India asked me.
"My husband is working there." I replied.
"So?", he said.
I was little taken aback at that moment. How do I reply to this "So!"? I could think of various answers and it made me smile. I didn’t know whether it was joke or that man was actually asking me this question.
"To join my husband", I said with a smile on my face.
The way that officer looked at me, I immediately knew that it’s going to be a long night. That funny question was actually a serious one!
"Show me your papers." he said.
I took out my marriage certificate and other forms to tell that my husband is legally in the golden country and I am just a wife waiting to join my husband. He looked at the photocopy of my husband’s passport.
"How did you get this photocopy of his passport?", he said.
"He gave it to me before he went", I replied. I was not sure why he was asking me this.
"How can this possible? This already has an immigration stamp on it. Do you want to tell me that he got it stamped here and then came out to give you the photocopy?” he said it with a scowl on his face.
I was lost. What was this man trying to say? I was totally confused and for a moment I felt the floor beneath my feet slip away!
"Well, my husband left on 9th Feb 2008. The stamp you see is of May, 2006. He came back to India on Nov, 2006. We got married and he left before me. I am on my way to be with him". I told him and this time I definitely didn’t smile!
"Show me your marriage certificate", he said.
I pulled out the marriage certificate given to me by the government of India. I thought this will shut him up.
"This is not valid!” he said without even looking up.
I simply lost control of what’s happening. How can a marriage certificate with the stamp of valid government seal be invalid!
"This is a district certificate. It’s from Udaipur. How is that possible?” he said again.
Is this guy really talking to me or am I an invisible element listening to the conversation of some other people.
"Well, I got married in Udaipur and hence the certificate from there. I have also got a letter from my husband's company.”I told him. I was desperately trying to convince this man that I am not a fake person!
I pulled out a letter from my husband’s company which stated that I am on my way to join my husband.
How did you get this?", he asked. Oh god! I hope he is not one crazy fan of Sherlock Homes.
"Well, the company posted it to me", I told him.
"Did it come in an envelope?", he asked.
"Yes.", I told him.
I couldn’t help but frown as I didn’t know what he was getting to.
"Why doesn’t it have folds to indicate it came in an envelope?", he said with such an authority that I couldn’t believe my ears!!
These are the people the government of India has hired to see that only eligible people go to the other countries! The most important question this guy here could ask me was why the letter doesn’t have folds!
"Well, it came in a big envelope so that the paper doesn’t need to be folded!", I told him. This time my voice was barely audible. I was afraid whether it was a trick question or a real question.
He gave me a look which said, don’t act smart lady as I have the power to let you go or not. At this point I panicked. What did I do wrong, probably smiled at his stupid question. This guy can actually refuse to let me go while terrorists get in airplanes and have managed to hijack it fly it across the buildings.
"Stand on the side", he said like a teacher tells a student to punish.
I didn’t know what it meant. I went cold. Does it mean that he is actually not letting me go...this can’t be true? I got a valid VISA from the United State of Government. They had checked all my documents. Can this guy actually refuse to let me go?
He gave my papers to some other guy. Must be a senior from the way he held his head up and moved around. I was surrounded by strangers whom I had never seen them in my life before and I am sure I won’t ever meet them again. Yet, somehow they had the power to alter my future!
"Show me your marriage certificate", the senior officer told me.
I pulled out my marriage certificate again. I also added the letter from my husband's company incase even he also has any doubt. He just gave one look at it and gave it back to the immigration officer who was handling my case. He just nodded and went away. I kept standing there not knowing what would happen next!
The officer stamped my visa and gave it back to me with such an air of importance. I could not believe that it all happened to me. I was in such a shock; I didn’t know how to react. What did actually go wrong? If everything was right, why was I stopped in the first place? I walked to the gate like a zombie! Maybe it was just a dream. I pinched myself and realized painfully that it was not!
Thankfully, the rest of my journey went peacefully. When I stood in front of the immigration at ORD, she just asked me three questions -
"Why are you here?"
"Which company does your husband work for?"
"How long do you plan to live here?"
After which she said - "Have a pleasant stay in USA. Hope you have a wonderful time here".
A strange country is ready to take me in and people of my own country had problems without any reasons. The most intelligent question they could afford to ask me was why the paper doesn’t have folds if it came in envelope!
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